Uncertain

[KathyN]

You will know in you heart that you have tried when you ask him to talk to your daughters with you. I sense that his new relationship will not last for the long term. So you need not worry about what she will think. If he wants to remain close to his daughters he needs to make an effort. They are very young and if he doesn’t keep in contact they won’t remember much about him. They also won’t be eager to see him when they get older.

I strongly sense that you will meet someone after you get settled back in New York. He will be very kind to you and your daughters. You will find the happiness that you deserve.

Best wishes,
🙂

[Kimberly526]

I would love to meet someone in NY once I get settled. And of course the most important thing is that he is kind to my daughters. Thank you so much for your advice and best wishes. 🙂 I can’t wait to be in NY so my daughters and I will be happy like we deserve to be.

I really hope that he does keep in contact with the girls so they can remain close. I feel that he will for the first few months that we are in NY. but I am worried that after a while he will start growing a part from them. I really hope not. But it does worry me because I don’t want my girls feel as if he doesn’t love them. I worry that after as they get older they won’t even want to visit him in KY during the summer. But its up to him if he wants to make the effort. I know i can’t make him do so. I still wish that he didn’t make the decision to leave like he did. I don’t know what he was thinking. I don’t understand how anyone could leave their family. But I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I do believe that being in NY is the right thing for us.

[KathyN]

Your ex will ultimately influence how his daughters feel about him. You are so right– if he keeps in touch they will remember him. If he doesn’t, they are likely not to remember much about him. You could have your girls send pictures to him. This would be a reminder of how quickly time passes and they will be growing.

You know in your heart that the move back to New York is best for you and the girls. The hard part is waiting until it is time to go.

Best wishes,
🙂

[Kimberly526]

You are so right when you say the hard part is waiting. It seems like the 31st is so far away. Even thouggh it really isn’t. And it feels like there is so much to do before we leave. But I guess before we know it, the day to leave for NY will be here! I do plan on sending my ex pictures of the girls so he can see how they are growing up.

[Kimberly526]

I have decided to not ask my ex to sit and talk with the girls about us not being together. At this point i’m a little uncomfortable around him cause the other day he exploded at me and told me he couldn’t stand me and cussed at me. I know that asking him to talk to the girls together would result in him saying no. I don’t know what i’ve done for him to hate me so bad. Do you have any idea why? And any idea why he won’t even consider apologizing to me? I’m just so shocked by his behavior. This move to NY is starting to seem more and more real. Tomorrow the moving truck comes to take all the heavy stuff. I’m actually getting excited but nervous. And sad cause of the people i’ll miss .

[KathyN]

It could possibly be himself that he is mad at. He knows what he did is wrong and he is trying to justify it within himself. So instead of assuming the blame, he is taking it out on you. You could sit down with your daughters and explain that you will no longer be living together as a family, but you and their dad both love them very much.

The move is right for you and it is easy to keep in touch with friends via the internet. Better times are ahead for you and your daughters!

Best wishes,
🙂

[Kimberly526]

Hi kathy i just wanted to update you on what was going on with me. We moved to ny and everything is going well. Im still looking for a job. I am hoping to find one really soon. We are currently staying with my sister. My daughters are doing really well here in ny. They are happy and love ny. They love the sights and we always seem to have something new to do almost everyday.

There father calls them about once every 2 weeks or will sometimes go longer without calling them. Which is shocking because i thought he’d call a lot more. When i first moved to ny things between gary and his gf and i got really bad. His gf and i got into a huge nasty fight on facebook which i i felt bad about cause i hate fighting with others. Gary and his cousin posted negative things about me on his facebook which i found out through a family member. So after that i blocked them out of my life and just stopped communicating with them all together. The only time gary calls is when he wants to talk to the girls. Which is ok with me. Then just a few weeks ago gary texted me to tell me that him and his gf were breaking up and that he was sorry for what he did to me. I don’t know if he was apologizing to get back at his gf or if he really meant that he was sorry. And then later that night his gf texted me and apologized to me. Saying she was sorry for the awful things she said. The next day they ended up getting back together. I was really confused. I didn’t understand why they were getting me involved in their little fight. I know his gf was angry with gary for talking to me though. I was just annoyed because i thought the whole thing was childish.

I am supposed to bring the girls back to ky to visit at the end of august. And i have expressed some concerns about the girls and where they will sleep when they stay at his place in august. He never responds or answers my calls when i call with my concerns. It is so hard to co parent with him. I don’t understand why he acts this way. I always get a very negative vibe from him whenever i try to discuss the girls and upcoming visit with him. I also don’t understand that why two of his cousins whom i used to be close to have all of a sudden turned on me.

But other than that i have been enjoying ny and meeting up with old friends. Moving back to ny was a great decision for me and my daughters. I am just a little stressed out over the job situation. I really need to find something soon. I would also like to find a guy eventually as well.

I hope everything is going well with you kathy.

[FionaM]

I’m not kathy but i too was interested in your healing process. I’m really afraid for your children on a common sense and psychic level. If you are not court ordered to take the girls to him, i would not. He has no right to refuse to speak with you about the girls. Their welfare and all the specifics are indeed your concern. If you are legally obligated to take them, you have every right to know the specifics and have your attorney handle that. Again, if you are not legally obligated, i would not let them go. Frankly, he’s creepy and unstable. Psychically speaking, there’s a big part of him that doesn’t want them but he feels obligated. His resentment and his girlfriend’s resentment of them will damage them, it will show. She will not be nice to them. Also, when i focus in, as hard as i try, i can’t get anything positive about him and this august visit. I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I’m again getting neglect, some emotional abuse that will leave emotional scars. The most i would do, is go with them for the visitation. You need to have your hand in this big time!

[KathyN]

Hey kimberly,
sorry for the delay with my reply but i have been out of town. I am glad that you and your daughters are happy to be in ny. Jobs are hard to find in this day and age but something should come up for your soon. Fiona has some very sound advice in the situation with your ex. He is not stable and he is playing games. It is important that you obtain a legal visitation policy for the girls. It might even be better if he would have to come to ny to see them under supervised visits. There is a strong possibility that you will be working at a steady job at the end of august and you might not be able to easily get time off from work.

He will eventually be even more sorry for what he has done to you and the girls, but by then you will have moved on. His relationship with his girlfriend will not last. These people are not a good influence for your daughters. His entire family seems to be in on his “games” without even thinking about what they are doing.

So the best you can do right now is consult an attorney and work out a formal visitation policy. Please keep in touch to let us know how things are working out for you.

Take care!

[Kimberly526]

Hello fiona and kathy. Sorry it took me such a long time to reply. I haven’t had access to a computer in a while due to my laptop no longer working. I will definitely make sure to have a big hand in this visitation. I will be staying close by and my youngest daughter will be with me the entire time. She gets nervous like most toddlers do around strangers. I don’t think she’ll remember too much of her father so i’m going to make sure i stay with her the entire time. I will be staying close by to also keep an eye on my olderst daughter. My oldest daughter always tells me everything so i’ll know what is going on. Thank you so much for you’re advice. I really appreciate it! I am still in the process of looking for a job. I didn’t think it would take so long to find a job. Its stressful. But i’m still so thankful to be back in ny. My family has been such an amazing help to us. I hope you both are doing well. Take care! I will make sure to keep you updated.

[KathyN]

Kimberly,
it is so good that the girls will have supervised visits with their dad. He should not always expect you to bring them to him though. If he wants to see them he should be willing to travel as well. The economy is still very tight right now. It takes most people awhile to find a new job. I do think you will find something soon after you return from taking your daughters to visit their dad.

Take care,

[Author]

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