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I’ve been in a relationship for about 8 years. Aspects of this relationship are definitely emotionally draining, exhausting, manipulative, and even coercive. He is the biological father of my youngest child, and he helped me get custody of my oldest. We blended families about 4 years ago, though we are not married. Despite the negative aspects of our relationship, I will say that he does love our kids, is an extremely hard worker, and ever since we have blended our families, we have fallen on some “hard times,” financially and otherwise. Needless to say it’s been very difficult on all of us.
To make a long story short, I care about him a lot, as in I do not want to hurt him or hurt our family, but it seems like I’ve always known I need to go at some point. During The past 6 months someone came into my life that made me see how wonderful another man could be, but then I “lost” that person because I pushed them away with my indecisiveness and emotional instability.
Part of my issues are that I have been financially dependent on this man all these years.
I have started a new ecommerce business that is brand new and has a lot of potential, but I am lacking funds needed to progress it forward. The only solution I can think of is to sell my engagement ring and risk everything I have to put into this business. By doing that though, I am completely giving up on my relationship with this man. I am currently visiting my parents in another state for about another month. I have been unsure whether or not I should go back to my home with my partner. Part of me doesn’t want to at all, because it is very hard to get anything done there. I have zero help with the kids, and they end up just watching tv all day while I try to piece together this business with no money. Also, my partner is very negative, always focusing on how horrible everything is and often times cornering me for hours at a time and interrupting me when I am trying to work. He also constantly complains I never show him any love, affection, and when I say I don’t want to be intimate he verbally and physically persists until I acquiesce.He hasn’t been in a good place mentally in a long time, and neither have I. To be honest I have never really “loved” him, but have stayed in order to try to make our family work, for the kids. I know I have been grumpy, irritable, and don’t give him or his teenage daughter enough attention, but for the last 4 years of constant gloom and doom I’ve grown weary of feeling surrounded by things that seem to constantly break, fall apart, and mundane tasks that never seem to be completed.
I’ve been at my parents for a few weeks now, and I have gotten more done than I have in 2 months at home. However, I still don’t have money coming in, and I am still financially dependent on my partner. The only thing I have to my name is debt, and two pieces of jewelry that might be worth a few thousand dollars which I would put into my business and also survive off for a month while praying I generate enough to money to feed us and get the business growing.
The other aspect of this is, my oldest daughter wants to go home, because she doesn’t want to switch schools again. She’s moved around a lot, and this would mean she is in yet another school. My plan would be to make enough money within 1 year that I can afford to move back to the state which we were living in with my partner, because I do love it there, but I want our own home.
Living with my parents isn’t easy. I am 27, my parents can be negative, emotionlly unsupportive, have a lack of belief or encouragement in me, and irritate the crap out of me. But, they do spend time with my kids and I have noticed my kids are spending way more time playing and do things other than watching tv, unlike at home. It gives me more time to focus on my business.
The thing is, my partner is in a bad place, emotionally, financially, physically, his health isn’t good. It never really has been good, but it’s gotten worse. I’m worried he might have a heart attack or stroke, and wors3, that his daughter, his mother and sister would blame me for it too. I don’t want to hurt him or break his heart, despite the narcissistic manipulation he has put on me over the years. He is also in the process of losing his house that he’s had since he was very young,and If I don’t go back, he will also likely have to put up our house down South for sale as well. Furthermore, I would be separating his daughter from my girls, as well as my girls from the man they know as their father, plus his mother which is their Grammy.
I feel bad like, who am I to take my kids away from their dad? But at the same time, I know I could make a ton of money and afford to move back to our loved State, a little farther south, and they could see their dad and Grammy on the weekends or whenever he is able to.
However, I’m concerned that he will mentally and emotionlly fall apart, and he won’t be able to even support himself if we leave. It is like his whole world disappearing. He was there for me when I was in a very bad place with my health, so I feel guilty like how can I abandon him when he’s at his worst?
So my question is, should I go back, stay for another year or two, work on my business and save up money, and then move out when I am financially stable, and let my oldest daughter finish her time at her school, and help this man become a little stronger financially and emotionally before I leave?
Or do I just cut my loses and stay away?
I keep analyzing every aspect of either situation, and I just keep getting more and more confused.
Logically it makes sense to save money and try to make things more stable for my kids by moving when I am financially secure and when my partner is in a better place. But every time I think about going back I also get emotionally upset. I feel like neither choice is what I want.
I know that ultimately I am the one who has to make the choice, but I would so appreciate any insight from someone who is a 3rd party and doesn’t have any involvement in the situation.
Id like to look at your charts please give me your Birth dates.
Blessings!Love your title by the way..lol!
https://youtu.be/BN1WwnEDWAMMy birthday is December 12, 1989. In a Sagittarius ?
Do you have a Pastor or Counselor you guys could go to together? You seem between a rock and a hard place. I sense you really want to leave but you feel too guilty. Did you discuss with your parents? Make sure they are supportive. Depending on where you live, you could probably get benefits to help you with the kids. I think you really do want to leave him. Guilt is not a good reason to return.
Yes, a rock and a hard place. I talked to a priest when we first moved two years ago, he told me to make it work.
Then I talked to another priest earlier this year, and he told me I had no real commitment to this relationship because I don’t truly love him and we’re not married.
I have tried talking with my mom, but she doesn’t really get it. She just tells me to “pray about it,” but she is also the kind of woman who would never, ever leave her husband for any reason. I haven’t talked to my dad, I wouldn’t even know where to begin as we don’t have much of a relationship foundation to begin with. Even if I did go back, there is an expiration date for me. It would be as soon as I am financially free. But I don’t know if I could do the whole up and leaving thing again. One of the hardest things is that it’s going to be our daughter’s 3rd birthday next month, and 2 days later is her dad’s. Then his daughter’s birthday is a month and a half later. The idea of them being alone on their birthdays makes me really sad and guilty…and then I think of my birthday a few months after that, and the idea of being with my partner on my birthday makes me feel less than enthused. I know, these are all 1 day out of the year, but it’s the intensely conflicting emotions that have me going back and forth between making a final decision.
Sorry for the rant..Can I get His as well please 😉
-Blessings!My partner’s is August 31, 1969.
While you’re at it, take a look at this other guy’s, October 10, 1990. He is the one I had inadvertently met, online, on a non dating site. We quickly became friends and talked almost all day every day for about 2 months, and had plans to meet (he was a wealthy stock broker from Europe,) but I screwed that up by giving him too many mixed signals about meeting (telling him no we should wait after he already bought a plane ticket,) and then I sent him a bajillion messages asking if he was still coming ? And he ghosted on me. This was two months ago, and I still think about him every day and wonder if he still has feelings for me. I keep hoping we will reconnect, but I don’t want to be the one to reach out to him since I had sent him so many messages that he ghosted on. But, I also had pushed him away. So I’ve just been really confused about whether to completely let him go mentally or still try to psychically connect with him. He has no social media, we only communicated through email so that is the only way we could connect. Anyways, I just felt a bond with him I’ve never had with any man before, not even my partner. So I’d be interested to see what your charts say about either man ?
That is so cool you’re offering to do that, thanks so much I’m excited I’ve never done birth charts before!
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