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I stumbled across this site while seeking answers, hence my name. I have some limited psychic ability and have been looking for ways to develop my ability. I am aware of and will be checking out the posts on this site. My question has to do with my on again/off again relationship. We both have problems with abandonment and rejection. The difference is that I have dealt with most of my issues, but he hasn’t. When we are together be both agree that if feels right and we belong together. Then after a few months he get scared and shuts down and will not even answer my phone calls. I feel like I am wasting my life waiting for him to get his act together, but anyone else I meet doesn’t measure up to him and I feel guilty for talking to another man because I promised him that I would not abandon him. Do I continue to wait and see if he is going to get his act together, or do I give up and try to move on? Any advice or suggestion would be greatly appreciated.
He definitely has forgiveness issues. As i focus in more deeply ,I feel that he will be angry for a long time and may be very difficult to live with, perhaps miserable, if he marries you or makes a lifetime, live-together type commitment. I feel it would worsen if children/babies were present or if other family members, even if they were his were to live with you or near you. I think in some level, he is testing you and part of him hopes you will fail the test (that is by talking to other men or by simply moving on, etc) so he won’t have to work on the relationship and can blame someone else. Because of his anxiety, the thought of working on a relationship at times seems overwhelming. He has strong feelings for you but for now has hit a brick wall and feels he cannot go any further.
NOW, just because he is testing you doesn’t mean that “passing” his test is the best way to work things out. Quite the contrary. If you participate in such a game, you are only starting and perpetuating a cycle of hurt and mental anguish. He will come back,withdraw and test, come back withdraw and test, etc over and over again. If you ask him what is going on and why you all cant move on, he will put the blame on you stating that you are putting pressure on him and he never promised you anything, etc etc.
Back to the “the test” as I focus in on him more, the best way to increase your chances of having a healthy relationship with him would be to indeed move on. As far as the agreement not to abandon each other, he has already broken that contract by abandoning you. In many business contracts in the business world in most states in the US, once one party has broken a contract, the contract is null and void. If he tries reversing blame using the angle that you “broke the agreement,” remind him he already has broken it. not answering the phone and playing “putting up the wall” games, generally ignoring someone and refusing to communicate openly and refusing to regard the feelings of the other person is abandonment.
By moving on before things get too dysfunctional, you are giving him a chance to understand your standards and give him time to sort out/work out the issues that are plaguing him. The only way he will heal and have time to think logically is if he is left alone; and I do psychically feel he has the ability to think clearly and fairly but not when he is going through this anxiety right now. He will respect you more too. Once he is ready, he will contact you. I don’t think as I focus in on him, he is a player and I also think his bond with you is genuine, as i don’t think he bonds with people like this often.
You can move on without having to start a serious relationship with someone else right away. If you do find someone you are interested in, you have nothing to feel guilty about. when I focus in on you, however, I think dating anyone else would be too hard for you right now and you risk leading someone else on. What I mean by “moving on” in your case is: stop calling him, focus on other aspects of your life without him: hobbies, family, friends and career.
Good luck and feel free to post any additional questions.
Thank you Candice, what you wrote is pretty much the same thing I am doing. I only try calling once a month, just to let him know that I am still his friend. I have turned down a number of dates from men interested in me, because yes I feel I would be leading them on. You explained what my life has been for the past 6 months, work, hobbies and a little family and friends. Do you have any idea how long it might be before he does contact me?
Thank you again, at least I know that I am doing the right things.
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