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Hey Christopher,
Glad that your last semester at school is going well– You will soon be finished!
Since Allie seems glad to see you and acknowledges you, would you have the opportunity to strike up a conversation? If there isn’t much time between classes, etc. and you are talking about something and you want to continue the conversation, this could be an opportunity to suggest that you meet somewhere for coffee. This wouldn’t be considered a date, just two friends getting together for a chat.
If this works out and you get a feeling for what she likes to do, then you could suggest hanging out. In any event, just don’t appear too anxious. Just take this approach very slowly.
Best wishes,
🙂Hi Kathy,
Thank you so much for your reply. I was wondering something today regarding relationships. I’ve noticed that most of the time if not all of the time, I girls who I make friends with, more often then not, all of them always seemed to already be involved with someone. I love the fact that I keep making new friends, I just realized that the ones I’m always attracted to are already taken. I don’t know what the future holds, I just keep praying that it will all work out for the best and that someday soon. Like you have said, maybe i am looking for love in all the wrong places. It would be nice if i were to meet someone during my last semester in school Whatever insight you might have into this, i’d greatly appreciate it, thank you.Hey Christopher,
There is no harm in becoming friends with someone and then learning that they are already involved. There is a chance that one of these friends might eventually become available to become more than a friend. You really don’t need to focus on meeting someone from school during your last semester. It is more important to focus on graduating and getting your resume out there for prospective employers to see.
Once you start working you will become more confident. The chances of you meeting someone when you begin your career are better for a long-term commitment. I still feel that you have a good chance of meeting someone from your church group. I sense that this might be back in your home town rather than where you are now living. In any event, don’t feel that you need to rush into anything. Your self confidence will grow when you start working and become established. This confidence will shine through when you meet new people. So even if you don’t meet someone for the next 6 months to a year, you can use this time to become established and truly happy within yourself.
Best wishes,
🙂Hi Kathy,
How are you doing? I’ve finally graduated from college!! I graduated on may 21st with a ba liberal arts degree in music. I’ve since moved back home to pasadena with my mom and have just been trying to stay busy and look for work. I’ve also been trying to get my mind to wrap around the fact that i’m done with school and in the real world now and need to be that responsible mature self-sufficient man and really start my adult life and my career. I have my best friend joey (1/26/1986) who has been having some depression problems with finding work, he’s since been done with school at cal state long beach with a film degree. He’s been trying to find a job like I have but with how the job market is I know it hasn’t been easy for anyone but he’s been taking it really hard. I’ve been trying myself to stay optimistic and positive even though I do find myself feeling a little down with being in this new situation of being out of school, something i’ve never felt before. i was wondering if you might have any insight that my help. I know futures are not set in stone, I just hope that everything will work out for the both of us.christopherj – I’d love to chime in here, but you haven’t asked a specific question. What would you like us to focus on?
- Dale Sellers
Hey Christopher,
Congratualations on your graduation! You knew all along that you could do it! This should now be an exciting turning point in your life. You might want to be on the lookout for an established vocal group who is auditioning for a replacement backup singer. This could be a start for you in the field that you wish to pursue.
You also have the potential to do well in the area of choreography. Once you get established it could open other doors for you in the music business.
Please keep in touch to let us know how you are doing–
Take care,
🙂Hi Kathy,
I’ve been feeling lately like i’ve been doing some great things, singing with cal phil chorale for the first time, singing my first church solo, working in a recording studio, it’s been really great, but I guess lately, idk, i’ve been down cause i still am struggling finding a job, feel like the summer has been dragging, my mind has been wandering, some days just feel slow. I just keep wondering when things will really start to pick up and turn around. I’m not gonna lie that when i heard my best friend joey went out on a great first date, i was really happy for him, but i know that inside i kept wondering when i my time would finally get here. I guess this is how it is, being out of school, trying to get into the real world, going through a period of school withdrawal after being done with all the excitement of graduating, stuck trying to figure, what the next step should be, praying and hoping that everything will work out, that will become the true independent, responsible, mature, successful man that i really want to be. Anyways, any insight you might have would be most appreciated, thank you.Hey Christopher,
You have been doing some great things– actually which should open doors for you along the road to seeking employment within the music industry. There is a possibility that working behind the scenes, such as choreography might bring you to the forefront when singing talent is needed. Also continue to be on the lookout for an established musicial group who might be looking for a replacement backup singer. I get a strong sense of pull in this direction. In the meantime, continue to apply for any music industry related job that you feel that you could qualify for.
I also sense that once you become established within your chosen profession and start to gain the self-confidence that you deserve, that is when you will meet someone. That could be the beginning of a long successful relationship. I don’t see you as someone who wants to date a lot of different girls. You just seem to want to find that special someone. I get the sense that you might meet this person in a church related activity. In any event, you might not want to feel pressured into entering into a relationship until you are truly content within your personal life. When you start to feel more relaxed about things, that is when you are most likely to meet someone.
Take care!
Hi Kathy,
How are you doing? I wanted to let you know that I got into a church choir in whittier as a bass section leader, so i’ve been really glad and blessed to have that, feeling that it could be a step in the right direction for me. Lately though, I’ve been feeling pretty stressed and worried, almost lost and not as sure as I was before where my life is heading. My mom and my sister had a talk with me friday night that they thought I didn’t like them, mainly because I seemed distant, spending a lot of time in my room, on my computer, doing my own thing, not really interacting with them like I should be doing. I honestly never thought of myself as that type of person, with how much I talk about them, how much they have done for me, the last thing I would ever want to do is treat them like I didn’t appreciate them and love like I do, or like I thought I did. After hearing that from, it just threw off my whole way of thinking, worried that I would suddenly start to lose touch with them, that i am losing touch with them. It also just started to make me worried about where I would be ending up in my life, what my future would turn out like, if i would ever move out and get my own place, become a responsible, independent, self-sufficient, mature man, have a great career, or if i would end up doing nothing. I thought that I had somewhat of an idea where my life was going, thought after getting the church job, things would start to turn around for the better, but now I fee that things have taken a turn for the worst. I know i maybe overreacting, but when i hear stuff like this, my mind starts to spiral down and i just start to worry and stress out. I’ve always been this way, especially with school, cause I’ve wanted to be the best person i can be, always tried to do my best, always tried to be the best for my family and my friends, so when i hear something like this from my family, i really start to worry and immediately go for the worst case scenario, which is bad, but i can’t help it.
Then my best friend joey, has just start going out with this girl he might not too long ago, and things seem to be going well, I am happy for him, but of course i can’t help but wonder about my own chances of when I will finally meet someone. Joey and I had a conversation about my problems with relationships in terms of me always seeming desperate, which I techinically am at this point as well as me being forward, which I have tried to fix but don’t really know what to do. I have thought about all the times when i’ve posted in here about the girls i’ve been interested, like shannon, krista, courtney, lauren, and then just recently i had a girl gina that i met through another friend. Things with gina had seemed to be going well, and she was even planning on coming to hang out in pasadena, then, for some reason, either i had posted too much on fb, or said the wrong thing, and she just stopped talking to me and removed me from her friends list. Honestly, i wish that i could go back in time and fix all the mistakes i made with all the girls i have been interested in and make it up to those that are no longer my friends. It sucks that i’ve had to lose them, but if they only told me what it was i did wrong, i think i could have fixed the problems and keep our friendship strong instead of always being left wondering what i did, and feel like the bad guy. They say communication is important in a relationship, but i never get that, it’s always a one way street with me and the other person and i always have to try figure out what’s going on, try and read the signals, which i am terrible at.
Anyways, whatever insight you can give would be much appreciated. I know this is a lot, but i would very much like your help, thank you Kathy.
Christopher,
Congratulations on the job with the church choir! This could be a step in the right direction. There are many popular singers who got their start in gospel music. However, I sense that this job doesn’t provide what you need financially. You need additional income. If you keep looking out for oportunities in the recording industry as well as related behind the scenes positions you might find another connection.The anxiety you are feeling is much the same as many recent college graduates. Due to the economy it is becoming more difficult to find work. Many end up working in positions that they are overly qualified for in order to make a living. They may have excellent qualifications but lack the working experience.
The best you can do is to reassure your mother and sister that you love them very much. I am sure that you told them you didn’t mean to appear distant. It is just that you are most likely keeping to yourself because you are feeling that things just aren’t happening fast enough. You most likely are spending time on the computer with networking? They will understand what you are experiencing.
You are most likely to enter into a successful relationship once you feel that you are financially on solid ground. After you are working in a position that adds to your self confidence you will start to relax. I am getting a strong pull in the direction of a church related activity. This is where you will possibly meet a girl who is right for you. It might not be the first girl that you meet in church, but I do sense that an opportunity might be there.
As for appearing too anxious– If you are messaging or posting something on a social network it might be a good idea to wait for a reply before you make any more posts or send more messages. Give her a chance to respond. Then wait at least until the next day before you follow up. That way you won’t appear to be too anxious. I agree that communication is of the upmost importance in any relationship or friendship. If you feel that you aren’t reading the signals you can ask what it is that they would like to see happen. Just don’t rush into anything– or make someone feel that they are being rushed. Since you are finished with school you most likely will be meeting people through church or business. You really don’t need to be in a relationship to make yourself complete. It is only natural to desire this, but it will come in time.
Please keep in touch!
Take care!
I was just wondering what the chances were that i might be able to re-connect with friends that i’ve fallen out of touch with. I just saw today that my friend madison, who i met through a class i took at fullerton, took me off her friends list on facebook. I wish sometimes i could go back in time and fix the mistakes i made, whatever they were since most of the time i don’t even know i’m making them. I try to think of it as even though i lose some friends now and then, i gain new ones, but, really, i hate losing friends and i always try to keep a hold onto as many i can, or all my friends since i care about them so much, so invested in them. But, what sucks is that it’s even harder to get over it when i lose one. I wish that i knew what it was i had been doing wrong, then i would’ve been able to fix it, instead of just going on thinking everything was alright. I find that also in times when i’ve been attracted to someone and thought everything was good until they weren’t and i would have no idea how it got to this point, or why i was suddenly felt like the bad guy in feeling that i did something wrong.
I also wonder if this year would be one that would start to improve, things start getting better and turning around, or if i can look forward to next year as being a better one?
Thank you for the help, i appreciate it.
-ChrisOr maybe i should believe that everything really does happen for a reason, even if i may not know what that reason is, and not like that it happen. Maybe all this things, lost friendships, all the bumps that i’ve come across in my life were supposed to be there, i just never knew it. Maybe this is all preparation for what’s to come in my future, idk. Anyways, thank you again for your continued help Kathy, i really appreciate it.
Christopher,
What happened with Madison may actually have nothing to do with you or anything that you have done. Sometimes people lose interest in the social networking sites after awhile. She just might have been eliminating some people who she no longer has much contact with. You might not be the only person she eliminated. It also could have been by accident. If you haven’t had any recent contact with her you would have no reason to feel that you had done anything wrong.Friends tend to drift apart when they no longer have a common bond which held them together. You may keep in touch with a few friends, but realistically people move on to different things in life. That is when new friendships develop. It isn’t that people don’t care about the friendships that they have already made, they just don’t have the time to keep everything going.
So you should not feel that you have done anything wrong. It is difficult to know when things happen in life if they do happen for a reason. Sometimes it might not be apparent for years to come. We just have to look at it as a learning experience. This might be an indication that you should look more toward your future than to your past. If you continue with your networking to get an additional job, that is a step forward to your future. It is difficult to know exactly when things might start to happen, but it doesn’t need to be defined by the year. Just keep pushing forward now!
Take care and please keep in touch to let us know how you are doing!
🙂Hi Kathy,
So, let me tell you that this has been a pretty tough week for me. On sunday, I found out that my uncle had passed away in the morning from stage four lung cancer. Then, after that, I started to go into a mode of thinking about what had I been doing with my life, have I been doing enough, doing the right things? Was I where I wanted to be right now, or did I want to be further along like some of my friends? But of course, I have to remind myself that I have accomplished a lot, finally got a job with singing at church, had great singing experiences from performing with calphil and my former voice teacher’s opera company. Overall, i know that i need to continue to keep the faith and not be so hard on myself. Lately, I have felt that my life has been moving so slow and i’ve wanted things to move faster in my life, be at the point where i’m self-sufficient, responsible mature man who has moved out of his parent’s house, have a stable career, a girlfriend and able to support myself and give back to my family and friends. But, I know that life is all about timing and everything happens when at the right time. It just feels like it gets harder sometimes, especially when i get older and feel like I should be at a different place in my life. But, everyone is different and everyone moves at their own pace so i try to keep in mind that i’m where i need to be. Anyways, any insight you can provide would be very much appreciated, thank you.
Christopher,
I am truly sorry to hear about the loss of your uncle. Even though this was expected, it is still hard when that time comes. Right now you are doing the best that you can in your life. You have done very well to get the job with the church choir. There are many recent college graduates out there who are still looking for work. Some individuals are very well qualified, but the competition is so strong.Everything is so expensive now that it would be difficult to move out on your own. That would require having some money saved up. If you are working at saving money that is a step in the right direction. Is there a possiblity that you could share expenses with a roommate? Although not a permanent solution it could be a start for moving out on your own. I sense that is something you want to do because it is a sign of becoming independent. If you continue to look for supplemental income, finding another line of work that you can do as well as your present job, this will help you to get ahead financially.
You have already established some valuable contacts career-wise. This may eventually help to open other doors for you. I still sense that you will meet someone through your church-related activities who will be right for you. She may be a bit more reserved that some of the girls you have known before. She might not come from a well-to-do background. She might not have high expectations where material things are concerned. I do sense that she will care for you and support you in your endeavors.
So just try to do a little bit of something every day to work toward your goals. Don’t be frustrated when things don’t seem to be happening fast enough. Just know that you are working towards your goals as best as your can.
Take care!
🙂
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