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My wife and I have separated under very unpleasant circumstances. She has bipolar disorder, and after almost nine years of the most wonderful, loving, supportive marriage I could ever imagine, she started lying and cheating in August. I recognized the mania and, though I was deeply hurt and no longer at all trusting her (3 times with 2 men that I know of kind of destroys trust), I wanted to work it out. We started marriage counseling with what turned out to be an unethical counselor.
Long story short, after incidents like her spending the last of our money on her cigarettes while the kids went without food for two days and randomly screaming at me and insulting me, we got into a major blowout three days ago, and I lost my temper. Never got violent or threatening, that’s not my way, but I do have rage issues, so I get loud and scary when the rage breaks though.
So we’re separated, and she took a restraining order against me, naming my daughter as a victim. My daughter now has to testify at the restraining order hearing. She told her grandmother, who she’s staying with now, that I was never threatening or violent, just really loud. She will attest to that in court.
My wife has since told mutual friends that she loves me deeply, but things are really messed up right now.
I don’t want to go to court. I’m not afraid of the restraining order. But if I have to defend myself against her, I’m going to have to reveal the above information and a lot more that happened these past four months. I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to hurt her or cause her problems. I want my family back, together and whole. Can someone offer me some guidance? What can I do to bring my marriage and family back together? What do I need to work on in myself (besides anger and rage) to be the man she needs me to be? Is there hope, or am I deluding myself that this can be repaired?
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