Questions about a man in my life

[Shambo]

Hi everyone! First I want to start out by saying how great it is that these forums exist–especially free!! It takes good people to do this and I want to thank everyone involved from the bottom of my heart!!

If anyone is willing to do a reading on my questions, I would appreciate it very much! I recently (in the last few months) got out of a 6 year relationship with the children of my father. I will spare the details on that. A few months ago I started talking to one of his friends online and through text. It kind of just took on a life of its own. Please don’t judge me based on the fact that he is his friend, I cant help who i fall for. I am so completely drawn to him like I have never been before in my life! He brings ME to life, just lights a fire in me, it is so unbelievably unexplainable. He however, wont let his guard down. He has straight forward told me he does not want a relationship at this point in his life. One, he is very independent, two..he was married for 8 years (it ended a few years ago) and it fell apart and he was hurt badly. He didn’t tell me these are the reasons why he isnt ready to try again, I just feel that’s what the deal is. Im glad he is honest about not being ready to try again, but i also think he is in denial about his feelings for me. (he acts pretty detached through our text conversations, when it comes to anything emotional, and makes it clear we are just having adult fun) So I guess I am wondering if he actually does have feelings for me, and is scared to admit it to me and himself?? and if maybe we WILL end up in a relationship? I am willing to wait as long as I have to for him….sounds odd but I cant explain why! Thanks in advance, and sorry for all of the detail I just wanted to be sure things were clear so it may be easier to pick up on things.

[KathyN]

Sam,
I sense that he is someone who fears a commitment. He is being honest in the respect that he is not ready to get involved. He most likely does care for you, but he is fearful of his feelings for you. He prefers an online communication because he is not pressured to answer all questions or to explain himself. So it would be best for now if you don’t say anything that would cause him to feel pressured or trapped. Just continue as a friend and let him relax. He may very well be expecting to hear from you and be disappointed if he doesn’t.

Best wishes,
🙂

[Shambo]

Thanks Kathy! Yeah I don’t know if I’ve ever been able to this patient with matters like this but I believe he is worth it. I’m giggling @the he may be expecting to hear from me and be disappointed if he doesn’t… Why doesn’t he just text me first then? :). I do appreciate your insight, I’ve got a good grip on the situation for the most part, just not sure where his feelings stood. Thanks again!

[loverbuy]

Just be carefull and make sure you really get a good read on him

[FionaM]

I’m getting, although he may have some feelings for you, most likely won’t be in a place where he’s ready for a relationship for quite a while. This doesn’t feel like something that’s going to be new and different in a couple weeks from now.

I would tend to disagree with the statement you made about not having a choice about who you fall for. I would suggest owning more of the choices you make in your life.

Speaking of choices, it may be good for you to ask your self why you are so attracted to someone who is emotionally unavailable. Do you like challenges which you can never win? By pursuing someone who is rejecting you, do you need to reinforce to yourself that you aren’t worthy? Or maybe, are you picking someone who is unavailable because deep down inside, you are unavailable too? When we find ourselves in these situations, there is usually a deeper meaning behind what is occurring. There is usually a deeper spiritual lesson which we need to learn. Ask your self honestly why you are in this situation.

[Author]

Posts