My Love Life Is a Mess

[anonymous]

I’ve made my life a confusing mess. 1 thing i do know is that my marriage is definitely over. We both agreed to this.
I cheated in my marriage and started dating a taken man over 2 years ago. I know, trust me i’ve heard alot of negativity about that. Anyways..he’s still with his girlfriend but now i’m single and still with him. We both love each other very much. And want nothing more than to be together but he says he is going to be selfish and wants to keep dating us both, at least until he decides to made a choice.
He’s taught me alot about love, respect and relationships. He’s so good with me. I don’t know if i should keep dating & waiting for him or not?
I’ve been told by other psychic’s we will have a baby, that the beginning of our relationship will be tough but then get easier, meant to be, worth waiting for etc. But, he still has another gf?!

[KathyN]

Welcome to the forums!
You are trying to get your life back on track– it is important to remember that the future is not set in stone and we have the ability to control our destiny. Do you want to continue to be with a man who is also with another woman? Only you can decide when this is no longer working for you. He needs to make a choice. If he is not being pressured to make this choice, the situation could continue. You might want to make sure that you don’t have a child with him unless you have that commitment from him? These are the situations that you can be in control of for your future.

Best wishes,

[anonymous]

Thank you so much for replying.
I have been pressuring him. I even gave him a deadline or i walk. But i really don’t want to walk away without him, i don’t think i can. I wonder if he is staying with the right girl then?

[FionaM]

As i focus on him, i’m not getting a sense he is going to make a change anytime soon, although he could surprise us all. Even if the other girlfriend goes away, my hunch is that he will find someone else to fill her place. This has little to do with you. It’s just where his mind is psychologically. So don’t personalize it! I keep seeing him on a boat. Maybe it’s just a metaphor, but i think it goes along with insistence of being “free.”

i would ask yourself if you are comfortable with this situation. If you are not, i would consider taking steps that reflect what you want in a relationship. Maybe you could give it some time, but if you want to be in a relationship with just one person, it may be necessary for you to cut the ties and open your life to someone new. Let me know what you think about what i have shared.

[anonymous]

The boat thing makes sense. He lives far away from me & it’s a boat ride or plane ride away. I could do the open relationship thing as long as its only me & her. But i have kids. And i’d be moving them 5 hrs away from their life so i can be with him. I’m wondering of he’s worth it or not.

[FionaM]

Whether it’s worth it or not is something you have to decide for yourself. If the love is intense enough for you, it may be necessary for you to dedicate your life to him, even if he constantly shortchanges you, rejects you, leads you you on, and never really fulfills all of your needs. You may need to go through all of this for some reason or another. But my psychic sense about you is that you have doubts if you will ever have someone that you feel the same connection with, as you do with him. Be careful about believing he is the only one that you can feel the love that you do. There are so many others out there.

A good question for you is if you could have the same connection with someone else, guaranteed, but this someone would treat you with more respect, would only be with you, and would be a good role model for the kids, would you leave the man you are with now?

[anonymous]

I would if i knew that. Yes.
I want someone just like him but all of what you said. I wanted another baby. I didn’t want to be alone. I feel that if i looked, every other man might not measure up to him. And i don’t know how to let go. Or if i should take a chance.

[FionaM]

Let me be blunt. My psychic voice is telling me that you are fooling yourself about this situation. You are letting your emotions trick you into thinking he is the only one you can feel this way with. It’s a lie. It’s irrational. Think about how many people there are on the planet. Surely there is someone out there, surely thousands of people, that you can have the same connection with and all of the other things you want. I guarantee this without any doubt.

But you will never know or experience this until you get out of the situation you are in. Ask yourself this: what’s worse, the pain of rejection you have felt for 2 years or that you may feel for another 20 years, or the temporary discomfort that goes along with being alone for a while until you meet someone else, someone more on the same page as you?

I encourage you to take immediate steps to get your head and heart out of the trap you are in. You don’t even have to dump him right away. Get out and find some things you can do that you enjoy, things where other people will be, positive people. I say this because i don’t get a psychic sense you are doing this now. You are a recluse. Once you get out there a bit, i think you will realize there are others out there and some of these people are available. You may have to shop around a little bit, but you will find them. Work on friendships first and then be open to a new relationship.

If you are serious about this, as far as getting over him, or giving the relationship a better chance of turning into something real, getting control back over your life, breaking out of being the victim, strengthening yourself from the inside out, and learning how to attract the right types of people, i encourage you go here: http://www.lifeleap.org/mastery/

if you do the work, you will get the results. I can guarantee this. Sign up or find something equivalent. Making your life better may not always be easy, but you can take advantage of what’s available to you to make this easier, more exciting, and less painful. How has doing it all on your own worked for you so far? Consider exploring the options if not for yourself, for you kids.

What is the other option? Sitting in a dirty diaper and feeling sorry for yourself as you continue to suffer, continue to watch your life go by, continue to watch others have what you yourself long for and deserve, watch the mediocrity you are experiencing turn into months, and watch those months turn into years?

Years down the road, when he replaces you after he has used you up, how will you feel when you look back on your life? I may sound like i hate men, but trust me, i don’t. I’m just encouraging you to take a good hard look at the depth of this situation. I would love to see you create a life of more joy, balance, and excitement. You deserve it and it’s right in your reach. You are very powerful, it’s just hidden away deep inside of you. It’s a lot easier to re-create your life than you think. Let me know what you think about all of this.

[anonymous]

I’m amazed. I have been a recluse. I may have lost friendships over it. Hopefully not but i do need to get out and do things. I guess i have been doughting him & this relationship for a reason. I’ve heard lies that he’s the one but yet i still wasn’t happy hearing that. Clearly for a reason.
I’m so happy i found this site and thankful you answered my questions.
I’m want to try to save this conversation so when i feel down about anything and him i’ll remember all of this.

[anonymous]

So i’m guessing there’s no baby in my future either. I was hoping to have one with this man also but with his fertility issues it seems impossible. Thats partly why i hung onto him also.

[FionaM]

My sense about the baby is that you still have a chance. But your fertility may be blocked in the situation you are in with this man. I think a deeper part of you is screaming “don’t have a baby with him because he will never really be there for you and won’t be there for the baby.” your body could be blocking a pregnancy from occurring until you find the right person. I’ve seen this before.

What do you think about all of the other things i brought up in my previous post? You agreed with the reclusive part but you didn’t mention anything else.

[anonymous]

Well…i have been fooling myself and everyone else. I can’t afford much, not even to move out. But i think your right..i do need to hang out with positive people. I’m sort of a negative person about myself lately. And i don’t plan on ending things with him yet. Maybe distancing myself a from him to work on me and friendships. I have never been alone without a man before. I guess that wouldn’t be so bad.
I though being with him is perfect cause i get my freedom to see my friends and then see him every now and then.
But truth is also i have sorta kept him around cause i sorta knew we wouldn’t work out and hoped we could have a baby together. But i was always sorta unsure about doing that alone and if he will be there or just have the baby & kiss him goodbye.

I’m getting older so my window to have kids i feel is closing up fast. No other man in my life to have a baby with other than him. And do i really wanna wait to find one then have one?! That may take years. He’s willing and we’ve been trying since the day we met.

[anonymous]

I’m wondering if i should just try harder and work on my marriage. It would be easier.
Should i just be doing that?

[Author]

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