My Love Life

[RomanKD]

So my name is Jaylen Dunlap. I am a guy who likes other guys, making me homosexual lol. I’ve had this friend named D’won Brown who is perceived as a straight man. We are both 18 now. Me being born on May 11, 2000 and him being born later on September 15, 2000. We have been through so much together its so crazy. I have caught myself feeling fondly of him, as he has displayed actions that would lead me to believe he feels the same way, in ways that he does not act with other males. He always feels the need to intimately hug me, fall asleep on me, wrestle me in his bed, he’s even taken his clothes off just to wrestle me calling it a game, but it obviously was more than that lol. We have seen each other naked, he has told me countless times he is in love with me. We also have this thing thats called ‘love bites’. He used to just sit and bite me very innocently trying to be cute lol. There was also a time where he came and laid on top of me completely and put my arms around him. Then he went to sleep. It almost made me cry. This masculine guy, stern and unsocial to everyone, is very humble and sensitive when it comes to me. Always hugging me from behind, always encouraging me to be the best person I can be. Never wanting me to smoke or do drugs like him because he was afraid I would fall into a depressed place like him. I was even able to convince him to stop taking his anti depressant pills because since I was there, he would never be depressed. I would awake in the middle of the night to find him completely curled next to me under my armpit LMAO. I even woke up to find his arm completely around me. I would sit and massage his head sometimes, just lay on each other, I would draw him pictures and he would hang them on his wall, (which are still there to this today). He quickly became my best friend. I found myself liking him and then later falling in love. I had never been that close with anyone in my life, and he was supposed to only be my friend. There was even a moment where he put my arm around him while this very romantic song was playing. So we were basically spooning, and he was holding my hand while we were doing it. Right before I fell asleep I felt him put my hand in his pants, twice. Thats when I knew he clearly wanted more than friendship. When I got tired once he carried me all the way downstairs and into his room and laid me in his bed. We write music together too. I sing and he raps. But earlier this summer I graduated and he became a senior. We went from me spending every day and weekend at his house to me not going over there or seeing him at all. I only saw him 3 times that summer. He came to my house, and I just didnt have the guts to tell him that I was in love with him. But i just started joking around with him and he came and was trying to give me a hug saying “you know youre my everything” telling me he loved me and was holding me around my waist while telling me to hug him back lol. Then told me to hug him back or he would grab my ass LMAOOO. But knowing me that clearly wasn’t a threat because I would have like it lol. That was the very last romantic encounter we had. He said he disappeared because he became really depressed. The school year started back and I decided to take a year off and just go to college in 2019. We are nowhere near as close to each other as we used to be. All we do is smoke together, (I began smoking when I became depressed about the fall of our relationship). Our friendship now consists of me seeing him when he gets out of school and me, him, and all his friends walking to his friend house to smoke. Then me walking back and waiting with him until he orders and uber to take him home. He gradually started back up telling me about the girls he wants to talk to, then telling me about the girls he had sex with. Just venting. One day he came out of school and came up to me and shook my head and pulled me close to him for a hug and whispered “i love you” in my ear lol. Anways, his birthday came about and he told me he wanted to spend his 18 birthday with me. Of course that came up short because we went to his friend house to get high and later we came to my house, but I was happy just to be with him. He makes me happy lol. We slowly have become more close actually. He comes to my house a lot more and when he is in my area he always makes it his duty to come see me and say hi on his way. I have prevented him from hugging me ever since our last romantic encounter, but I am gonna start letting that happen again. He was at my house yesterday and we got extremely high LMAO. I was pretending as if I couldnt get up because I wanted him to help me and he sure enough did every time. He would just hug me and pick me up and hug me some more for like 5 more seconds until he let me go after he made sure I could stand on my own. I love every moment of it haha. He was bending over arching his back trying to heat up his snack in the microwave and since he was sagging, his butt (with shorts on) was exposed LOL. I was like “i dont think thats smart to do that in my direction lol” and he then said “well just shut the fuck up and enjoy the view”. (We have a very aggressive and mean but loving way of talking to each other). Then when we were at the peak of being high we went and fell asleep in the livingroom. He laid on me a few times and then kept readjusting his position. Now we are at present day. I just want to know, that now since everyone knows the memo, did D’won ever fall in love with me, is he in love with me, or will he ever fall in love with me? I have come back to just a strong liking mode but it is my desire to be in a romantic relationship with him.

[FionaM]

I get a psychic sense he does care for you and is attracted you, but I see he is major conflict about the gay thing. It could still happen, but watch out about putting so much energy into someone who has a different life path than you. This could be a way of you unconsciously avoiding relationships yourself: picking people who aren’t willing to go all the way.

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