- Posts
Hello
almost 2 years ago i lost my 2nd husband, whom i consider the love of my life.
I was told i would discover a soul mate and he has been under my nose the whole time…even a physical description.Recently i have made contact with an old work mate over a reunion, we had not spoken to in 16 years, he matches the physical description given to me…he came to visit and confessed having feelings for me for years…i know there has always been an attraction on both sides, however we were married to other people and didnt act upon it. Until the other night 🙂
if it happens it will be a long distance relationship, due to the nature of his work, the distance isnt that great though….neither of us want to marry again or live with someone on a permanent basis…i know he is confused as his ex who left him keeps in contact..he has been upfront on this. I have been upfront about my late husband as well and he says he cant imagine how i am feeling but understands the loss…he said he wants us to go on a holiday together in 6 years time when he retires….that’s a while away…is he looking at us being together before that??
If it makes a difference he is a gemini/cancer cusp and i am a scorpio b.Thanks in advance
annieAnnie,
this might be worth pursuing — since there was an attraction on both sides that had never been explored due to you both being married to others. You are both at a point in your lives where you understand responsibilities and why you can’t be together right now. You have the maturity to handle a long distance relationship. I wouldn’t worry too much about what might happen 6 years from now. Just get to really know him and then see how you feel about the situation.Best wishes,
All was going well for us, he confided in me about his ex fiancee and how she left him 14 mths before and only left a note, however she kept contacting him now and then.
He said he still “had feelings for her” i asked if he wanted to back off and he said no…
We had a lovely weekend together and the following week we discussed me coming to where he was to spend a week together….Out of the blue his ex said she needed his help….he is the type who would not say no….i asked him to be careful as she had hurt him before…..he said he would see what she had to say and would ring me on the weekend…..which he didnt…i sent him a couple of texts asking if he was ok..as he had been sick with the flu the week before….no responses to my texts or emails….
It has now been 6 weeks…..he was always upfront with me, i cant understand it…he is the type who would say ” i am back with her, please dont contact me….”when she left she said she wanted nothing…here u have 2 yrs from separation to make a claim for settlement….she had been gone 15mths….he had sold the house and the timing of her return was when the money would’ve been paid by the buyers…..i find it suspicious…..you are able to reconcile for 3 months for one period only and this doesnt affect the 2 years…..
Leave him he is not worth waiting for if he was sick he would probably had called you over to keep him company
What does anyone make of this?
2 months and 3 days from our last contact sf called out of the blue on the 13th dec……..i gave it to him for the no contact…..he said he didn’t get any of my texts after the one is sent on 13th october.(in which i told him i love him)….we suspect his adult daughter (who was visiting him for a month) had deleted them as she was wanting him to get back with her mother…he thought i was ignoring him…the longer he left it the harder it became for him to get the courage to call me…he had the meeting with the ex and paid her out…
During his last call he said “i cant give you what you need, you need someone who u can have daily contact with and i cant, i have told you i have no love to give anymore..my heart is too broken, maybe you should go on eharmony” so when he didnt respond i did just that.
I told him i had taken his advice and met someone on an online named gl
(a sagittarius )..i told him we chatted for a few weeks, then l asked me if he could take me for lunch for my b’day which was coming up..we had a nice time..and he asked if he could see me again and i said yes..went to a concert on 6th dec..then xmas dinner and show at a local club on the 14th dec.Sf’s words were “i cant believe you did that” ….he told me l was moving too fast when i said we were planning a trip together…and lots of other negative things… Not to believe everything he tells me..he has an agenda blah blah blah…
He was travelling back down the the southern states and called me from every town he stopped over in.
On the 19th dec gl was here and cooked lunch …..he was talking about taking a trip on his harley…..and going to a stage show with him..he had gone out back for a smoke..then asked if he could use the shower as it was a humid day….after he got out he decided to go home……he called me a few times about trivial stuff that afternoon..then early in the evening he called me again and said “there is something i need to tell you…..my ex called me last night (weds 18th) and although i love you i am in love with her and there is a chance we my get back together.. I’m sorry i thought i was ready for a r/ship, but i am not and have hurt you in the process….she had called him again while he was out smoking….
I couldn’t talk…i was dumbfounded….so i said i have to go…..i sent a text to sf saying “i really need someone to talk to may i ring you?” he replied “yes” straight away…..of course i got the lecture of “told you he was moving too fast etc etc”
he told me he was going to try to get to ***** by xmas day…..i warned him of some wild weather there the day he was to travel…..i sent him a text on the day of xmas eve asking if he arrived there ok….i received one back later in the afternoon asking me to call when i could…..just as i was going to send him one asking if i could call ….so i called him and he said “in relation to were i am…lets say i am closer than u think”
he said “this is your xmas present! Pack your bag with enough for a week, you are coming camping with me, i am at *****”he said “we are going to talk about everything that has gone on”..we are both agreed we were going into that week with eyes wide open, no expectations, no commitments, no attachments…
I believe i figured out what he was up to…over that week gl may try to “reconcile” so he was keeping me away from town….
I arrived there on the 26th and that was the only night we were intimate…..
We had a talk the next morning (27th)i asked why he didnt answer my text of the 13th and he said he felt i came on too strong n thought i wanted a full on r/ship………i told him that was not what i wanted…..and i am glad i have my friend back….he said your friend has an always will be here…..i asked if i could give him a kiss and he said so i gave him 2, then he said 3 for luck lol….later on i hugged him and thanked him for being my friend and asking me to come camping…he hugged me back and said you are welcome…..He opened up to me about all of his previous relationships and much more….which is unlike him….i said i am not after anything from you…he said i know u are not like the others..in bed that night he confided some other stuff health wise….i know he is scared…but he would never admit it.
He said i love u is something he wont say to another woman….then he said…but then u never know..i may say them again for the right person….he says that every woman who has said it has broken his heart…i told him i have no intentions of doing that…
By the 28th i had to 2 texts, i missed call and an email from gl…one text said “i miss you” sf saw the look on my face and he said “whats up?” so i told him..he said “let it go”
i got up early next morning (29th)and sat outside…when sf got up he said “what’s wrong ,u are too quiet”…told him i am confused by the i miss u text…he said “let it go u will never be able to trust him and that is not a good start…and u dont need any crap” i said “what if he is the real deal”..he said “he isnt” (this from someone who gave me grief lol)
i said “i need to tell him something..i know how much it hurts when someone doesnt text back”…and looked at him….he gave me a guilty smirk.
Then about the 30th…he started his typical gemini back off thing again…. I sensed it coming this time. Seems to happen when our time together is drawing to a close…..i am wondering if after a certain time frame he feels he is getting in too deep….he didnt like gl texting and ringing either, so couldve added to it….
I ask myself “if his perception i was coming on too strong..and he still believes i want a r/ship….why the hell keep me around and why invite me out camping and appeared to be get jealous of l contacting me?”
gl rang me early nye….when he rang i walked away from the camp, i had ignored his calls prior….sf kept watching me talking…the call rattled me…gl said there is a chance he will never get back with the ex…he still wanted to be friends with me…after the call i went in the van and sf came hovering twice and paused at the door….prob to see if i was still talking….
When we went to bed i told him about the convo with l and that he still wants to be friends and that i was going to allow him a face to face meeting when i go home..sf said “no, no friends, no meeting” i said i will be locking up my heart and be like you….
Suddenly he said “u want a r/ship with me….and i am going to be single the rest of my life” i said “i dont” he kept saying “yes, you do” …then he said to go to sleep..i said i havent finished what i wanted to say…..he said “annie! Go to sleep!”..so i didnt push it….
I was going to sneak off ny’s morning…leaving a note….thanking him for a great end to 2013…telling him to stay safe… ….but i looked at him sleeping…and my heart melted cos i thought of **** leaving him a note when she left him…so i slid in beside him and gently gave his shoulder a lil shake….said i am off now ..he mumbled…i kissed him on the cheek and said talk soon he said ok….told me to be careful..i said i left a note on the table..he said ok ….i sent a text saying i was home safe cos i had probs with the brakes..On 7th jan gl and i had a meeting .we talked for about 3 hours.
He emailed the “ex” about “us”..her response was “be with some one who can be there long term”…but he still loves her..he said i know u still love **** (my late husband)..i said yes..however your “ex” can always come back…..he then said she wasnt his ex they are just separated by circumstances. .and if “she” turned up he would leave me in a heartbeat…
So i said i am keeping my heart locked up behind a wall ..he said about finding the key..i said no-one is getting the key ….
We enjoy each others company so we will hang out and go to shows etc together as we both would like a companion to do those things with….he said we cant help whom we love..i understand that as i love sf…..but he doesnt know he is more than a friend….A friends advice is i should “enjoy the company of both..life is too short to worry about what lies ahead….enjoy the ride and whatever doesnt work out enjoy the memories you have created…..but also…keep your heart guarded”
i sent sf another text to say i had spoken to gl…that i felt i had to mainly for me….
He hasnt responded (which isnt surprising..he would rather have calls…but i am holding out on them)..he did say when he started work in another state he wouldnt be in contact much as he needed no distractions due to the job…Gl and i have decided to be travel/activity companions, both knowing it could end at any time..he said if i find someone he would wish me luck and let me go…..
I keep telling sf i dont want a r/ship with him…he insists i do..is he trying to get me to admit it??
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
