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Hi All! I have an interesting query for you…
Last year I met a wonderful person at work, but I was terribly shy in his presence. I knew that he was unavailable and taken, and never let him know of my feelings.
Around the same time, I was struggling with a script that I had concieved of a year earlier. My previous education was in film and scriptwriting, but I never had the luck/confidence to properly market myself or improve my craft enough to get my first big break. I was always ashamed of my writing background, and wished I had skills that were more practical than artistic. I knew that so many others dreamed of an artistic career but had neither the talent or patience for it. I kept asking myself “How was I any different?” Despite my doubts, many of my previous peers and teachers were extremely enthusiastic about my work, and often kept in touch with me.
But back to the love interest in question. I knew that this person had some knowledge of the world I wanted to convey in this script, so I told him of my script idea. He loved it, and he agreed to go to lunch with me so that we could discuss my ideas about the script in greater detail.
Shortly after, I was soon writing the script like a man possessed and completed the first draft in a surprising amount of time. A couple months later I met an agent who was so impressed with my pitch, even though the script “wasn’t his thing”, that he wanted me to co-write a couple scripts he had in development. The problem was that the very next day “my muse” decided to leave the company for which I worked, and I never saw him again. A couple weeks later, I left the company too so I could work on the scripts I had been assigned full-time, before finding another paying position.
Despite this sad development, I was able to get a couple scripts in shape enough for the agent to be considerably confident in my writing ability, and confident that these two scripts would be sold and produced (guaranteeing me a considerable paycheck). I’ve already gone over the legal contracts and such. As for the script inspired by my “muse”, I was able to polish it considerably, after obtaining many suggestions with my peers, to feel relatively confident with it’s potential. Even thinking of “my muse” gave me a great idea to reshape another script that I had put on the back burner for a few years, of which my teachers in school were crazy about.
I believe I’m mature enough to accept that no relationship would ever develop between my long-lost “muse” and I. But, I thought that the whole experience would help me realize and attract someone similar (now that I know what kind of “muse/partner” I’ve wanted all along).
So I have two questions:
1) Why do I still feel so unfullfilled and lonely, even though I’ve never felt so artistically inspired?
2) My “muse’ was strong, athletic (with a big frame), quiet and shy but laid back. A good listener, but not necessarily the touchy-feely type. I believe there are several others like him, who may be more available, but is this the right kind of person I should be attracting?
Thanks for your time! Any informed or inspired reply is much appreciated.
I copied your questions so I can answer them in order and will (hopefully) make sense.
1) Why do I still feel so unfulfilled and lonely, even though I’ve never felt so artistically inspired?
Your sensitivity, your great, superior awareness of your feelings make you the talented artist you are. Your emotional intelligence is your muse. The gentleman in your story simply triggered it. Your muse remains in your heart. One may have challenges in one’s life when he/she feels uninspired and cant feel the muse’s presence but the muse is still there.2) My “muse’ was strong, athletic (with a big frame), quiet and shy but laid back. A good listener, but not necessarily the touchy-feely type. I believe there are several others like him, who may be more available, but is this the right kind of person I should be attracting? Yes. absolutely. A more “available” perhaps slightly more affectionate model is just what the doctor ordered. You are very energetic. There is only room for one of you in a room at a time. You need “laid-back” in a partner.
You have a leg up on most people. You know exactly what you want in life and your are going for it personally and professionally. When I focus in on you, get a very positive feeling and I see a very clear path and much success. The sky’s the limit.
Peace.
Wow. Thanks! You’ve certainly been busy on the forums recently.
I found what you had to say very interesting, especially that I’m “energetic” and “there is only room for one of me in a room”. That triggered a very positive reaction as well as a smile.
Yes, I definitely feel I possess a restless tempermant although I may appear somewhat reserved or aloof. Usually, when I’m working or sitting still for a long period of time I feel a strong temptation to get up and move around, or listen to loud music in order to release some energy. Not that I’m a believer in astrology, but I guess my tempermant could be summed up by the classic description of the “Scorpio” type (even though I was born August 28).
I’m very curious and like learning a lot, and my parents always pegged me “an intellectual”, but I’m often dissatisfied with other bookworm/egghead types. So often they seem to compensate for their lack of physical vigor with an arrogant or defensive pseudo-intellectual manner that I find offputting. And although I wouldn’t consider myself a “jock”, I do put a lot of effort in my activities at the gym when I do go (5-7 times a week) and love the relaxing endorphin release that comes aftewards. For some reason, strong athletic guys seem less intimidating and more patient with me, than the brains. It’s just hard to find one that’s gay.
So, I have a couple followup questions. Hopefully, I won’t seem too much like a leech by asking this (because I am very grateful for your reply. It was right on the money):
1) Roughly when and where do you see me finding a guy with who I’d have some promising chemistry?
2) Even though my writing prospects seem to be taking off, I won’t likely be paid for my efforts anytime soon (film scriptwriting is a lengthy and cumbersome process). When do you see me landing a day job?
On the man question I will give you my raw instincts. You will meet him in less than one year through your script writing connections. I see you sitting in a diner and talking and getting along like two best friends but with a noticeable spark. He is quite self assured and wise so he won’t let the “just friends” thing linger on. Now, for some reason, I am getting 15 months. Though I’m not sure which, that is approximately when you will start being “intimate” or “serious.”
As far as the day job, don’t get too serious about the day job. You work for the muse. Be open minded to a little job hopping. When you get opportunities to promote or work on a script it will conflict with the day job and you will have to quit BUT so what “easy come easy go!” your personality will allow you to get many day jobs very easily. It may sound risky but you will be rich when you put your script writing career first. Don’t ever get discouraged and decide to do the day job thing permanently. You will lose your soul. You have so much talent. The universe is going to make it next to impossible for you to walk away from this — there is NO BLUE PILL (I’m referring to the first Matrix movie)
Tyler Perry quite many a job to promote plays that flopped. He finally got evicted and lost hope and got a stable job but was never happy.After (I think) 2 years, he quite reluctantly took one more risk after someone begged him. That risk he took was a success and that’s’ what put him on the path to success and wealth. I mean, now look at him.
Also, look at our economy our government or corporations. The truth about day jobs has been exposed. It was an illusion. Job stability while working for someone else is obsolete. You have to make your own job.
Your raw instincts certainly seem encouraging and realistic given my present circumstances! A final question (I promise):
So I can ask, visualize and manifest “this man” better, do you have any further idea of what he looks and seems like?
Again, thanks very much for everything. Your inspiring words have created an undoubtable presence of optimism in a very uncertain time. I’ve followed all of the postings on these forums, and have been a fan of the advice that you’ve offered other people as well.
In regards to the description, when I focus in on you, I get a description however, I am not 100% sure if it is the one you referred to as your muse or the new one. My instincts are leaning toward the description being that of the new one. Here goes:
mostly Caucasian with the possibility of a mix of some other “darker’ race. Medium brown hair, brown eyes, nice upper arms, meaning noticeable muscles but not too much muscle. I keep seeing him sitting down but I’m getting 5 feet 11 inches tall. intense friendly look on his face. will smile a lot at you. The picture I have in my head each time I focus in on you, has him wearing nice blue jeans and a nice white cotton short sleeve shirt. The clothing is casual but newer and always well cared for. Kind of boyish but don’t let that fool you (like it has others). He is mature focused and knows what he wants.
Feel free to ask me as many questions as you want.
Hi Candace:
It’s been a few months since my last post, and I wanted to follow up. Since we last spoke, I joined the LifeLeap Institute course. Wanted to thank you for your words of wisdom previously, but it seems as if I’m in another rut. Working on my writing is all well and good, but it gets very isolating by itself.
I get a slightly queesy feeling about the sales job. I psychically feel like it will pull you away from your artistic goals and you may be vulnerable enough to go in that direction and your writing will become only a dream.
If you can get a job where you are in outside sales and you don’t have to punch a clock and be subject to a micromanaging boss, then try it. Don’t get locked in. Make this job simply a means to live decently while working on your writing.
I also feel you have been spending a lot of time “overthinking.” While you find the job that helps pay the bills, also get a fun volunteer job at a local theatre doing stage managing work. I see you in a less conventional (small experimental theatre type) setting being happy and laughing.
Hi everyone:
Fortunately, things have picked up. I’m currently a student of Dale’s mastery program, and I finally have a job that pays enough to get by, while not stressing me so much that it distracts myself from other interests (i.e. writing).
Also, thanks to the course, events in life don’t bother me like they used to.Now, I never considered myself to be the kind of person who yearns for a relationship. I haven’t been actively looking in years. I’ve never been out on a date even (although I’m no virgin…thanks to the convenience of illicit hookups, but that’s been almost 10 years in the past). There seems to be a split between that reasonable, aloof facade I project to others, and the “closet romantic” that reveals itself only when I’m alone. Anyone that’s seen “French Lieutenant’s Woman” or “A Single Man” could possibly identify with the personal traits expressed here.
I used to assume I wasn’t ready for a relationship, or that I had some kind of flaw or defect that prevented me from any success in the “intimate” department’. I doubt that this is true, especially now. Throughout the years, I’ve seen others with more confidence but less maturity be more successful in LTR’s than I have. I wouldn’t even describe myself as a shy. As a salesman, I introduce myself to strangers on a daily basis.
So, I say with no desperation but with more than a little romantic melancholy…will this ever happen for me? Is there anything specifically preventing me from achieving this kind of happiness? More and more I have a good idea in what I want in a man, but have little idea on how to go about it. Any advice by anyone would be appreciated.
Merry Christmas! 🙂 And thanks for all the help in 2009.
Merry Christmas to you too!
I am also a student of the Lifeleap Institute. I have completed my lessons and am now awaiting my special session and final exam. As soon as I started with my lessons I could feel the “blinders” coming off and I could better focus on people and situations and more clearly see what they represent. I sense this is also happening for you? Others will sense that you have this insight and most likely will refrain from approaching you if their motives have something to be desired. Other long time friends will start to modify their behaviors.I do believe that you will meet a special person. This may take some time, but will most likely happen when you least likely expect it. It doesn’t seem that you will need to do anything different than you are doing right now. Just be yourself and continue to pursue your goals. Meeting this person might happen suddenly and you might even be slow to recognize the attraction.
In any event, may 2010 be a wonderful year for you! Continue to enjoy the coursework!
🙂Hi Kathy. Thanks for your reply. I will keep my eyes open. Any idea what type of person I should be looking out for? I tended to focus on bigger, athletic men….But in the last week, I’ve spotted a small, skinny cute boy-ish type in his ‘mid 20’s that has caught my eye. Never met face to face, but I sent him a message last Monday, and am wondering if there’s any possibility of hearing back.
Otherwise, my main criteria is that said person would take good care of themselves (and share my athletic goals), be LTR minded, be up for road/camping trips, and have a desire to give back to the community either through career and or volunteer work.
When trying to focus on the situation I really can’t get a physical description, other the image of someone with dark hair. It is important to remember that there is no one person who can fulfill all of your needs. When you meet someone who shares your ideals and meets the majority of your requirements, you will have a good match. Even if you can’t agree on everything (I am thinking that this person might not be so much into athletics), you will have respect for one another’s interests.
As for your writing career, you have a very good sense for what is needed for character development. Have you ever considered pursuing work as a writer for a soap opera? There are several different writing levels needed, such as character development and script breakdown once the storyline has been developed. I sense that you could become successful along that area.
Please keep in touch to let us know how things are going for you. It is really great to participate in the forums where we can connect and help each other–
🙂Thanks.
Two weeks ago, I encountered a guy named Eric online (skinny, reddish brown hair, mid 20’s). I don’t normally go online, but I was just sort of checking things out. I probably wouldn’t have bothered replying to his profile, if I didn’t encounter his blog. I liked what he had to say about himself, and was probably more interested him in terms of his personality, maturity and values, than I was in him physically (not that he wasn’t good looking at all). He sort of seems like the type of person I’d like to get to know at this stage of my life, since I’ve given more and more thought to the person I’d like to attract.
I sent him an e-mail in December 22nd, but am a little awkward expressing myself on e-mail to someone whom I haven’t met, so it may have come on a little too wordy or strong. Not that I was showering him with gratuitious affection or what have you…. Anyway, I was a little disappointed when he didn’t return my message, but do you think it’s worth it to try again? It’s rare to find someone who seems this self-aware. If I do try again, what would you recommend I say in the e-mail?
Happy new year!! 🙂
During the holidays people are very busy. It could be possible that he has not yet read your message or had the time to respond. You could try again and tell him essentially the same thing that you wondered about your message. You could say that you didn’t mean to come on strong or too elaborately, but that you did admire his ideals and would appreciate the opportunity to get to know him.
He might be a bit cautious, so if you could correspond by e-mail a few times you would have a better sense if you want to arrange a meeting. If the meeting takes place in a comfortable setting such as a coffee shop or restaurant, you should both feel comfortable.
You obviously care about his feelings, and this points out that you are a very thoughtful person! Happy New Year to you too!
🙂Hi Candace:
Well in regards to the guy mentioned above, he did add me on MSN, but that’s about it. Chatting online is awkward because I understand that often people will have their window open but will be too busy chatting with others are doing things around their apartment to reply. Anyway, I heard from his blog that he is feeling under the weather, and is asking his friends to send him e-mails. Is this worth pursuing?
Oddly enough, I had forgotten about him for a while, than thought about him pretty intensely the last couple of days using some positive visualization…around the same time he posted this on his blog, and he rarely updates his blog.
Also, I had been thinking about my older “muse” recently. I had heard some gossip about him that wasn’t positive, but I have had some evidence to suggest that this gossip was either exaggerated or completely fabricated. What do you see?
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