in need of guidance

[anonymous]

I met a guy through a friend on new years eve and we ended up hooking up that night, I kinda regret going that far after first meeting a guy but it happened and I can’t take it back. The next morning we ended up talking for a few hours and then he went home, we exchanged numbers and we said we would like to get together again. (we both go to school in the city of chicago but I was home for break but he was still living in the city) I was expecting it to be a one night stand and that would be it.

We ended up texting and talking everyday and he kept saying how he couldnt wait for me to get back to the city. We hung out the first night I got back and had a great time we just had a connection. Then we hung out a third time and went to a show held hands and acted very couple like. then we went back to his place to hang out.

After a while he turns to me and says that he wants to be honest with me and that he had just gotten out of a relationship a few months ago and he did not know where he was going after he graduates (he is originally from new jersey). He admitted that he was just looking to hook up but then he felt a connection with me so he wanted to continue hanging out with me. He did suggest that we could start dating but that it might end if he had to go back.

I went on to tell him that I would not be able to handle that kind of relationship and if he wanted a relationship with me he would need to be certain that he was staying in chicago. I told him that I couldnt continue acting as if we were dating because I didnt want to end up getting hurt. During this conversation I started crying and was about to leave but he told me to stay and talk about it. So I did. He told me he still wanted to hang out as friends, and if he was sure he was staying that he would want to ask me out again.

I guess I was wondering if he was going to stay or not. I tend to fall to fast and too hard so thats why i ended things before i started falling harder. The fact that he made me stay and talk about how i was feeling really impressed me and showed me that he did care. Ive never really been friends with a guy because they always hurt me or let me down so I just delete them from my life. Its extremely hard for me to trust them or anyone for that matter and I only have a few friends that I can confide in. I guess Im just scared of getting really close to him and then he has to leave or that he wont stick around as my friend. Thanks for reading all of this I really appreciate it 🙂

[KathyN]

Unfortunately, this friendship didn’t start out under the best of circumstances. Even though the two of you seem to have a connection and want to continue seeing each other, it seems like there are just too many ultimatums being given in a very short time. Neither of you know where this relationship might lead at this point. So he is saying it would have to end if he moves out of state? There are many successful long distance relationships. On the other hand you are telling him that you only want to continue to see him if he is staying in the area? You are both putting pressure on one another. If you continue to be friends and not expect a whole lot to come from this you might be able to relax and get to know each other.

I sense that he doesn’t know if he will stay or not at this point. However, if he does move out of state this doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your friendship.

Take care!
🙂

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