Right now my mental state is getting worse. I have no clue how to stop depression and anxiety from ruining everything I hoped for. My father hates me for being gay, even though he says he doesnt. I need to know that I have something to fight for. Who do I marry? Is she the way I picture her? Who am I going to become? Am I anything special? Will I ever have a baby? Is she a girl or boy? What about our house? Is it the way I picture in my head?