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Hi, I was supposed to marry my fiancé’ John in last September but in the end of July I decided to have the wedding postponed because of my insecurities and fear in moving into his family to live with his parents and also I felt we were not connected during the whole wedding preparation (we were both under lots of pressures). I had talked to him in regards of so many issues before I made up the decision for the postponement and he totally understood my feelings and agreed with it. He promised to work on those issues and would try to be a better man so we could really walk down the aisle without hesitation this year. However; in the end of this January, we had an argument over the housing issue. I told him I was hoping we could move out after getting married, either to rent or just to buy a small apartment to start our family, but he insisted of staying home first because of the current rough economy situation, he and his parents couldn’t afford him another place to live in. I was crying and upset during the entire argument/discussion because our relationship had been going for more than 7 years and I thought he should have at least saved up some money for our future. Ever since then, we didn’t talk for a week and a week after; he raised the idea of breaking up with me because he felt it was hard to continue this journey and he felt our foundation was weak. I was so sad and frustrated because I have never thought of breaking up with him and walked out of this relationship. I have always wanted to resolve any problem between us. It has been almost 2 months of our separation and during these days, I strongly feel that he is the man I want to hold on and be with for the rest of my life no matter what will happen in the future. I don’t want to lose him. Please advise me on what to do and how to do to have him back to my life again. Thank you.
As I focus in on him psychically, I get the distinct impression he wanted out-not necessarily away from you but from the responsibility of marriage only because he doesn’t like change. He is comfortable with his parents and wants to stay with them and have things be the same as long as possible. He knows even if it were,even eventually or a long time from now, that marriage means moving froward. Right now, he simply does not want to move forward. As time progresses, however, he will but we may be looking at a few years or after the death of someone close to him.The feeling of his resistance to change is very strong each time I focus in on him.
Now, if you want him back, this may be tricky. There’s a chance he may not want to be engaged due to the conflicts that came from it, meaning your differences in where you want to live and how you want to live etc.
You will have the greatest chances of winning him back if you do propose, and I mean sincerely mean it, to do things his way; to live with his folks indefinitely, and have a small courthouse wedding or a wedding with just a handful of guests in his parent living room or place of his parents choosing. Propose this to him as a way of being prudent money-wise during a tough economy.I feel psychically his mother or another woman in his life who is older and very conservative is hesitant for the marriage to take place but she’s not mean or manipulative about it.
Feel free to post again and let me know how things work out.
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