I Mis-Manifested Twin Flame, She Friendzoned Me, I Left Her.

[AdrianAsura1984]

Dear Community, awhile ago someone online told me to manifest my wife by making a list of what I wanted in a woman, and waiting for it to manifest in a dresser drawer. I did one better, I placed it under my pillow, remembering how Edgar Cayce used to read entire books by sleeping on them, and just like this man, who had manifested his wife in six months predicted, this woman came to me in six months. How I know it was her was I out both *middle eastern* and *eastern european* on the same list, and she introduced herself first, on social media, with *I love you. Brother.* Out of nowhere! She doesn’t believe in past lives, but she feels we know each other, as I am spatially aware. We talked for a few weeks, and I felt incredibly calm, despite that I am spiritual-and-not-religious, and she is Russian Orthodox, and I grew up in a toxic religious environment, and hate cults that teach easy answers, rather than asking hard questions. She, too, was looking for a spiritual partner, which I had written on my list. She was so beautiful to me, the only 12/10 in existence, with the personality of a unicorn, and a heart of lead that has transmogrified, by spiritual alchemy, to exotic, pristine, ideal, but wounded, gold. I am certain she is my twin flame–her name is Tatiana, unsure of her full surrogate name, in America, though she switched it from Takhmina, I believe, as she was born in Tajikistan, which is annexed to Russia. She gave me her phone number, looked me up after six months of not speaking, because I got afraid and ghosted; I was calm, but overvaluing her, and acting insecure–she even went through six months of messages from other guys to find me on a very non-communicative social media sharing site, though I’d changed my name and my profile icon. Said she loved me, and missed talking to her *brother.* She even talked about visiting me from two states away. But I am poor, disabled, and not religious, in fact was abused by religion for almost 25 years, and she admitted, in shame, she was only attracted toward men of money, status, and fame, and I told her my living condition upfront! Mistake. Though I am always honest, at least to a fault! Also, she is looking for a Russian Orthodox man, not a spiritual partner, like she suggests, as I view religion as the opposite of spirituality–teaching us what to think, now how to think. Easy answers, rather than hard questions. Despite her lip-service, she has made every bad choice in the book, like searching Tinder for a partner. Which means she does not know what she wants, or what she wants is in conflict with what she thinks she wants. Her actions do not align with her conscious claims. We have similar backgrounds, as far as paternal abuse. Mirror lives, I suspect. She was Muslim, had a bad dad, hurt men, had five abortions, totally ashamed, but very spiritual-hearted, one of the only true Christians, though they all claim to be, a redeemed sinner, who is atoning, though struggling, and I’m totally at peace when I’m with her–she just lacks judgment, and has two kids, while I have zero-to-little upward mobility financially. A good lifestyle, but no money, and she likes nice things. I suspect what she wants and what she thinks she wants are two unlike objects, apples and oranges, and what she really would fall in love with is me. Though she is unaware, because she lives far apart, and we have not met in person, only frequent texts and phone calls. She lives in Los Angeles, and I live in Seattle. Though we once talked about her visiting (her words, not mine.) She is a Cancer in Western, like my spiritual adoptive grandmother, but a Gemini in Vedic, acts like a Cancer, and I am a fifth house Leo in both Western and Vedic Astrology. Eventually, I couldn’t take the friendzone with no upward mobility, as she is my other half, and I manifested her to be my wife, not my platonic friend. She told me I was her brother after one point, and that I shouldn’t flirt with her, a boundary I had made clear with her from the start–it is her job to resist me, not my job to stop flirting, or shut off my desires or my love for her. This made me break off contact with her and set an ultimatum, as I had made my boundary clear. I am crushed. Destroyed. Cannot love. Will not love. I cannot, have not, and will not, feel like this ever again. Everything has become so meaningless. Hollow. An absurd gesture with no existential aim or outcome. Purposelessness, without true love, as though my life is lived with zero rhyme and no outward meaning. I was very firm after that point that an intimate relationship between us was not incestuous, though very literalistic and blunt when I cut things off, as I was offended by her crossing my line, which I had drawn upfront, that I was allowed to practice and tease and flirt her into submission. I set an ultimatum: I do not waste time on relationships that go nowhere, I believe relationships should progress from Step 1 to Step 2 to Step 3, and there was zero upward mobility for me in this situation. I told her friends don’t put friends in boxes like that, and that if she ever did come back, there was no more friendzone. Plus, some other blunt-force directness, just one or two sentences, that I shouldn’t have been so direct and upfront with, as I am aspergian, and also have complex post-trauma–and she knows the former, as well as some of my trauma, though not the full disability, although she thinks autism is a handicap, knowing little or nothing about the higher functioning autists, and I consider it a genetic advantage, as I have savant syndrome, as well as just a different operating system. She was very apologetic, understanding, but I am in so much pain. I cry myself to sleep nightly, when I can even cry without shutting myself down emotionally. I can’t sleep, except erratically. Can’t pray. So angry, upset at her and God. My life has been cursed from day one. I swore I would separate from her, and God, in every lifetime, including past, present, and future tense, even the afterlife, as she put me less-than-last. Tried to remanifest her with magical assistance, spells, psychic and tarot readings, dream guidance, intuition, pillow manifestations, prayer, and subconscious affirmations for several months. I have studied the cross-section of science, philosophy, and spirituality combined since 3rd grade, and though I am new to trying the western ceremonial magick, intuitive, psychic/manifestation end, my first manifestation worked from two states away, with no direct effort from me, and within six months, as my Facebook acquaintance promised–who oddly learned the technique from someone else, a pick-up artist, though it is just primitive manifestation, which is why it took me almost two years to try. I wanted to be non-manipulative as possible. I am confused as to why my first manifestation misfired. Should I try again? Worse, she was willing to trade me in for less than oxygen, literally after six to eight months of saying I was her literal soul brother, that she loved me–all lip service, because even without backup options, I was not even on a list of her potential suitors. Which puts me less-than-last. Nothing to her. I had a dream that she is afraid of men later, but I do not know that this is true, or just wishful thinking. No vibe leading me either direction. She has a husband who cheated on her, asked her to find other men, has no job, no interests beyond her religion and her make-up, and though she’s older and wiser and has more maturity than me, applies less rational intellect to her decisions, more intuition, but prone to irrational life judgments. Her husband asked her to find a job. I assume he is leaving her, setting her up to be financially stable, but she does not take the hint–still is asking whether to hold her marriage together, or if she should leave. I need a simple answer: what should I do, will she come back, will she ever fall in love, will she accept that she is my twin flame, and, if so, when? I constantly dote over and unconditionally love her. And yet, I am hurt and upset. Angered. A part of me knows, or is scared, that second place is first loser, that I would only be a backup option. It’s called settling. Additionally, she was willing to leave. Once you leave, you’re not allowed back, under any circumstance. If you don’t accept somebody when they’re nobody, you can’t have them when they’re somebody. I need to know if she will come back, if she will be mine, in love and loyal, like me, and if we will be together, and if it will be soon, as we are both growing and aging, and I want as much time with her on Earth as we can bear, especially while we are both young and attractive (well, I’m 37, she’s 44, so we’re aging, but we still look youthful and attractive!)–as well as how I should handle this situation, and her, if she does return. Obviously, if I take her back, she will have to prove she loved me all along, loved me first, and give me an explanation, then prove herself beyond all belief. Sorry for the long-winded description. I am being excessively thorough, and as humanly precise as possible, so there are no mistakes: but I need expert advice! This is serious enough to my heart that I swore if she broke it, if she was placed at the highest point in Heaven, I would be placed at the lowest point in Hell, the exact diametric opposite, to be that far apart from her. Permanently. As far-spaced as available, even removing my immortal soul from the pre-existence and after-existence, and the eternal present, if necessary, so she could never have me back, as a lesson for breaking our astral contract, or else she wouldn’t have appeared, because I have seen black magick and ceremonial magick, as well as shamanism, misfire against Christian Fundamentalists, and I know God sent her, otherwise my manifestation would not have worked, nor been that scarily accurate, and also because I wish to reprimand her dishonesty, her disloyalty, her selfishness, for placing her exact eternal opposite, the yang to her yin, on the back burner, as an option, rather than as a necessity. If someone treats me as an option, I remove myself from the equation. Always. There is no atonement. Ever. Especially if she’s moved on, placing me last, as a final ditch effort, a last resort, to other men. I need your help, your honesty, and if possible, a way to re-manifest her under the right conditions! Also, an answer as to how to I should treat her if she decides to re-appear. Obviously, she will now have to earn my trust!

I thought I was manifesting a wife, instead I manifested someone who I have fallen in love with, who cannot, will not, love me back, at least in the manner I intended… And I am unwilling to be there for someone who will not allow me forward momentum, or at least a chance.

Sincerely,

Confused Twin Flame Leo. 😭

[FionaM]

That was a very long post, which is fine. I could really make what you are asking though. Do you have a specific question?

[AdrianAsura1984]

I just need to know why, and if she’ll return.

[Author]

Posts