Helpless, Clueless and Almost Pathetic

[Anonymous]

Mind you, this is not love-related issue but personal. So here goes. My name is Calvin and I’m just a teenager.

I so don’t know what to do in my current situation.
1 : I’m awkward. I don’t blend in. I have this weird attraction to boys (Sexual ones)
2 : My determination to study got lost. I’m thinking of quitting when all I need is 3 months.
3 : I have no solution to my family financial issues.
4 : I feel so depressed. Like I’m too weak to do a thing. Makes me paranoid.
5 : I’m so thin and always overreact.
6 : Have no money to plan a diet plan for bulking up
7 : The saddest part is I don’t know what to do.

There are dozens more I don’t want to bore you with.

Solution I took :
1. Tried to socialize. I feel something sets me apart from my peers. It sucks.
2 : I said if I study everyday I’ll get used to it. But I fell asleep eventually
3. IDK.
4 : Well I joined Karate and tries badminton. People surpassed me like I’m nothing. I tire too easily and I’m scared I’ll die of fatigue
5 : Nothing yet.
6 : Eating as much as I can. Problem number 5 is my obstacle.
7 : IDK.

IDK what to do now, all in all. It’s like whenever I try to do something I either fail miserably or so discouraged and stopped altogether. It sucks, I really need help.

[HeatherM]

Hello Calvin,

first off, I just want to say that I am just another human reaching out with compassion towards you. I don’t claim to have the answers to the things you are dealing with right now, but I would really like to help you to look at this from a slightly different perspective, as I can tell you are really down with this.

When we talk about ourselves being too much of this, or not enough of that, or feel generally not accepting of ourselves because of one reason or another, then how can we expect others to hear anything other than that? A bit like a self fulfilling prophecy perhaps? A bit like an echo you project out into the world may be a better analogy, and you know the thing to remember about echos is that they are always loudest from the source. And I think it is important to remember that thoughts create feelings and that thoughts can be changed.

And really if there is someone that thinks you are too thin, or awkward or gay/undecided, generally not good enough, well, would they be a good friend anyway? I really think we have to be a good friend to ourselves first to attract good friends and genuine connections with people. And common interests is a great way to make geniune connections, which happens naturally when we persue our own interests.

Sexuality is a big part of our identity, and these things can often take a long time to figure out, and all i can say is that we just have to be very careful about these things, and keep safe and be honest and accepting and kind and that there is absolutely no rush, ever.

I am a little concerned that you feel financially responsible for your family as a teenager, I take it you are talking about contributing towards your parental home as opposed to having a family of your own, and perhaps speaking with your parents will help to ease the burden of how you are feeling about this? Especially as you only have 3 months left of study now?

When you talk about studying until you fall asleep, please allow me to suggest that this is perhaps not the most constructive way to study. We need to be fresh and alert for things to really gel into our memory. I think they recommend study in half hour blocks. And perhaps a 10 minute power walk in between these half hours is a good way to re-oxygenate your brain, outside ideally, and of course, as well as being good exercise, it can uplift your mood. The human body doesn’t really finish bulking out til about 30 i heard just the other day.

And there is nothing quite like getting back to the basics of good food, plenty of good quality sleep, no screen time before sleep, its something about the blue light from screens that really wakens the brain that makes quality sleep almost impossible straight away afterwards. I personally found when I was a bit underweight, that the best thing to stimulate my appetite was to have a good high protien breakfast as early in the day as possible, something like eggs on toast, and keeping really well hydrated so you have more stomach acids to create hunger.

But mostly Calvin, I feel being kinder to yourself is a really good place to start. I really don’t believe you are helpless because you have shown how you have really tried to figure out how to help yourself. I don’t think you are clueless because you know there are solutions out there if you could just figure them out. And I definately don’t think you are pathetic because it takes courage to face up to the things that trouble us and ask for help. So good on you. And give yourself a break buddy.

I personally feel that you are trying to deal with all of your issues at once, and that perhaps the priority is keeping healthy and rested and relaxed to do your best to finish college for this short period of 3 months, and then perhaps this will give you the boost of achievement that will give you the emotional strength to look at the other things that are bothering you.

Like i say, I am not a counsellor, or doctor or therapist, just a human reaching out. But i really hope this is some help. Wishing you the very best 🙂

[Tamison]

Calvin, for starters. Instead of stating what you can’t do, don’t have or don’t like, switch to what you do like and can do, or naturally have and focus on these. Obviously your smart enough to have survived and made it to teenage years. So your doing something right. And perhaps athletics just isn’t your game, but as with all things it takes practice with anything most of us want or try to do, unless you was born as a child prodigy, which I wasn’t . Maybe instead of looking at it as your a failure, change your thoughts to , this is something I’m going to have to practice to get better or good at. Isn’t that what test were designed for, to let you know where your strengths and weakness are ? Hope this helps and that your situation gets better soon.

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