Guidance please!

[Bekkles]

Hi,

Thank you for your time and giving me a reading. I am hoping you are able to help me in the area of relationships.

I am currently seeing a guy and have done for the last 8 or so months. We have both been extremely hurt in the past by precious relationships but he has come to the conclusion because of this he isn’t going to ever be the ‘settle down’ type. I believe he thinks he isn’t worthy of love and the happiness that goes along with it. I adore this guy and the way he has come into my life has just been amazing. He has turned my world upside down and I have never felt anything like this before. He has compassion and care, and I know he does have feelings for me (he just blocks them out most the time). My question is, is he going to ever let his wall down and trust me enough to be with me forever. I completely understand why he has put these walls up, and I don’t blame him because I know exactly how he feels. He has become my best friend, someone who would be the perfect father and best husband. I love him and I would be lost without him in my life.

I have so much hope and am just taking each day as it comes. Every day I aim to be a positive influence in his life, and encourage him in all of his goals and dreams.

Can you tell me if he will ever bring these walls down and trust me enough to be by his side for real?

Thank you,

Rebekah

[Lou]

Hi
It takes a long time to trust again after you have been hurt. Your barriers are up waiting for the dame thing to happen again. To gain trust is a big step. You sound like you are doing all the giving. You have been hurt to. Don’t just be a councillor for this person or he will come to look on you as just a friend and councillor. I think he cares for you very much but is afraid what happened in the past happens again. You must tell him how you feel and how much you care for him. In sure in time his insecurities will go and he will learn to trust again
just be patient but don’t forget it works both ways.

[Bekkles]

Thank you Lou.
He has been a pretty closed book about it all. I have only recently found out that he doesn’t want a relationship because of his past. And it broke my heart to know he has been hurt by a relationship. He is a very independent man and he doesn’t really let others in. I will continue to be supportive, but not too much that I turn into a friend/councillor. Hopefully over time he learns to let me in. Thanks again 🙂

[FionaM]

I don’t get a hopeless sense about him. It does feel like he is able to open up and there is good chance the two of you could have something deeper and more substantial. But at the rate things are going now, I don’t see a big chance of things changing anytime soon. There is a deep-rooted stagnant pattern set into place in the way that the two of you interact and this pattern needs to be broken. The only thing I’m really seeing you can different is more work on yourself: spiritual attraction, the law of attraction, breaking patterns, getting better control over your emotions, learning to communicate better, etc. There are many resources on this site for achieving this and I’m sure you can find this in other places. You are going to have to step up and be more of leader in this situation if you want things to change and I’m getting a psychic sense there is much more you can do (we can always all do more). Also, as far as a profession, I keep seeing him in administration, but there is push towards a small business some day. Has he discussed this with you?

[Lou]

Hi Becky
Im glad to help. I feel he does care for you very deeply but wont let himself show it. In time he will trust just be patient and by Xmas things will be different. Im sure of it ?

[Bekkles]

Thank you Fiona. That makes a lot of sense- I have suffered from depression and anxiety because of a previous relationship (very mentally abusing) and although I have been out of that situation for a little while now, parts of the way he treated me still gives me greaf. And unfortunately it effects the way I react in this relationship and I have had a few breakdowns. It’s something that I know I need to work on!

When we do hang out, it is usually just chilling at his place and watching TV or a movie with the occasional dinner down at the pub. We don’t do much, and I haven’t put any pressure on having ‘real dates’ because I didn’t want to pressure him so much that he would snap because it feels like I’m forcing him into a relationship (when he is not ready). I have been thinking of things we can do (camping etc) that are fun but a bit more laid back, but still just the two of us. Just to show him what fun we can have without pressure!

At the moment he is in the army. And any admin he has to do, he hates haha. Much more of a hands on person! He is planning on applying for some work that is requiring study. If he gets through, he won’t start until 2018. He is a mechanic though, and if I’ve ever thought of the future I’ve always thought he may open a workshop. His passion is cars!

[Bekkles]

Thank you Lou, I hope you’re right! I would wait until Christmas next year if I had to haha. He is very special! ??

[Lou]

Hi Becky
? some things are worth waiting for.

[Bekkles]

Just checking to see you saw my response to you Fiona 🙂 not sure if you had any more questions. 🙂

[Bekkles]

Hi,

I just have another question if I may please.

Things are going GREAT with this man and I. I have never been happier with someone and my whole attitude towards this relationship has changed. I have been working on myself to be positive and it has made a huge difference. I think he sees this also and it has made him a lot happier in general as there is a positive influence in his life.

He is planning on moving to a different state of Australia early to mid next year and is going to be studying for 2 years. I have been and will always be so supportive towards him in this as it is something he know he wants and has a very large goal at the end of it. I was wondering if you are able to share some insight into whether I will be moving also. And more so, whether he will ask me to move with him. If he asked, I would 100% say yes as I know he is who I am meant to be with. But if he is not completely feeling the way I do just yet, I don’t want him to not ask. It would be a hard time as he would be studying a lot and will probably not be able to work so I would have to find a full time, well paying job if I am unable to transfer my work from here to there. I am more than happy to do anything I need to, to help him get there and to support him.

Any insight would be so valuable and I would appreciate it a lot. Thank you so much for your help already, it has lifted a weight off my shoulders and I can actually enjoy this time we are having together, rather than just constantly worrying!

[Lou]

Hi Becky,
Did you want Fiona to answer your question?

cheers Lou

[Bekkles]

Hi Lou,

Not necessarily! I only asked if she got my response earlier as she asked a question and wasn’t sure if she received my response. Any help is greatly appreciated 🙂

[Bekkles]

Hi Lou,
Are you able to give me any insight at all?
Thanks a lot, Bek

[Author]

Posts