Can I Have the Best of Both Worlds?

[EBreuder]

I’ve been in a relationship for 8 years that started off as an arrangement, but he fell in love and helped me raise my daughter, and we eventually blended families (not married) 3 years ago.

While I’ve never been “in love,” I do care for him deeply. He is definitely a narcissist, and We’ve had major issues the last 4 years financially. Despite our issues, he is a hard worker and loyal to our family.

On Valentine’s Day this year, I inadvertently met a guy on a non dating site. We had an immediate connection, and began chatting daily. We’d talk almost all day, every day, for almost two months. We told each other our stories, and he knew how I really felt about my partner. He had stated once that if we were to ever date, I’d eventually have to leave my partner. He was a wealthy stock broker from another country, and he was my age, (my partner is 20 years older than me). Long story short, we were supposed to meet, but I kept giving mixed signals and changing my mind. I had initiated a split with my partner during this time because things had been so bad between us, and I made the mistake of dumping a lot of these happenings onto this other guy. He had told me he bought a plane ticket to see me, and I ended up telling him we should wait. Well, I didn’t hear from him so I continued to bombard him with messages and he ended up ghosting me.

I’ve been heartbroken ever since. Things continued to worsen between me and my partner, “meeting” the other guy had opened my eyes to seeing that there are other men out there that I could actually fall in love with, but in my heart I knew it wasn’t the right time because I’m not the woman I want to be, which is why I self sabotaged with that guy ? I’m not financially independent and I didn’t want to latch onto some rich guy and completely upheave my family for that kind of a situation. I want to be financially independent and strong when I meet the right guy.

When my partner realized I was trying to leave, he spent hours cornering me and trying to convince me to stay. Eventually he let me come to visit my parents in another state with my kids, but it was on the contingency I was coming back. I’ve been here for about a month, and I still can’t decide if I’m going back or not.

He seems to be doing better, he seems more positive and wants to work on things. The idea of my staying with my parents for another year or two definitely scares me, especially because I’m trying to start my own business and the idea of taking my kids away from their dad makes me feel really bad, especially because we have a 3 year old. But at the same time, the idea of going back and living with him doesn’t thrill me either.

Also, I really haven’t been able to get over this other guy. We never had closure, and our connection had really felt so deep, I felt like we were soulmates and I still feel connected to him even though we haven’t spoken in three months. My hope was to be able to reconnect with him again…if I could do it over again, I would have taken things much slower as a friendship over time while working on my business at home and saving up money so that I could be on my own with my kids when the timing is right, and then start a relationship after we had communicated for some time.

I am fearful though, that if I go back with my partner and we work on things with our kids, that if I do reach out to the other guy he either won’t respond to me, or when I tell him I’m with my partner until I can afford to be on my own, he will not want to talk to me or invest in talking with me again.

If I’m living with my parents though, I feel like the chances of my being able to reconnect with him would be higher, but my kids wouldn’t be seeing their dad as frequently and our home life would be still tumultuous and less stable.

I don’t want to base my decision of staying at my parents or leaving based on the maybe’s or what ifs of some guy who may or may not even respond to me either way though. That’s not right and not how I want to live my life.

Ideally though, Id like to make my kids home life as stable as possible, and have me be happy as well. For me, that would likely mean going back to my partner’s house, working on my business at home, saving money, spending time with my kids, and reconnecting with the other guy through email again. I’d like to establish a friendship again, and take things much more slowly, and eventually, when I am in a good position financially, and my daughter has completed Elementary school (in 2 years) I’d like to move and get our own place, and perhaps start dating then if that is in the cards for me.

But there are many factors in the air: 1) I don’t know if this guy will even respond to me no matter where I am or what I will do since he had ghosted on me, 2) if I stay at my parents my financial situation is much more difficult and my kids will have even more of a broken home life, 3) I’m not sure if my partner will start acting crazy again. There’s just so many moving parts and fears, I’m not sure what’s right or wrong.

Finally my question is, in dealing with the law of attraction I’m confused! I’ve heard that if you stay in one situation you are communicating to the universe you don’t want anything new. So if I STAY with my partner does that mean I won’t be able to attract this man back into my life?

I’ve also heard that whatever you believe will be true will
Manifest. So if I believe I can have both, work on my family and my business and attract him back, I can have both??

Is it selfish to want things to be stable until I am ready to leave?

I’ve also heard that with the Law of attraction, it’s about doing things incrementally and not all at once, because if you attracted everything at once it can cause chaos in your life, which is what it feels like right now. Trying to go after everything I want right now, a new man, independence, and a new business, has caused chaos.

So, IS IT POSSIBLE TO ATTRACT ALL OF THESE THINGS WHICH I WANT, incrementally???

[FionaM]

I’m finding it difficult to follow your topic. Which things are you attempting to attract at the same time?

[Author]

Posts