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Hi my name is Cath and I was hoping you could help me today,
I have had a best friend in my life for over a year now and recently we decided to enter into a relationship together. This was in December. We had stayed close friends throughout a lot of obstacles so we thought we were solid. However, Four months into the relationship he broke up with me because we lost the spark. He was too immature for me and I was too mature for him. I agreed that we lost the spark and I agreed with the break up even though I still care about him. We won’t talk to each other for a month (my decision) even though he still wants to see me next week (I won’t). We promised to be friends no matter what. Lately, I’ve been receiving intuitive feelings that suggest that in a couple of months I will be over him and he’ll want me back which could potentially wreck havoc for our friendship. If anyone can tell me how he feels right now that would be amazing, but the main question is how should we negotiate the friendship again? And are my intuitive feelings about the future accurate?
Any advice at all is appreciated!!
Thank you so much!Hi. As I focus in on this individual, I feel a power struggle going on mostly with him. He has indeed lost the spark becasue he is fickle and not anywhere near ready to settle down with anyone. But due to insecurity issues, he needs and loves validation and being adored (likes attention from both sexes)or simply in charge. He calls things off, he starts things back up, he tells you when he wants to see you be with you or not, it’s all up to him, he is in charge or like the spoiled dominant neighbor child you grew up with, he will take his toys and go home. If you notice, he’s the one always bringing the toys so he can decide to take them away!
You are doing the right thing by not just going along with him. Based on the controlling egotistical nature of this otherwise fun and charming person, the best thing you can do is keep some serious distance until you are so very definitely over it, even in love with someone new. Otherwise you are leaving yourself vulnerable for some games that you don’t want to play and some mental abuse.When I think of you two and your relationship, this analogy comes to mind:
When a plant has been damaged either from too much sun exposure or by sitting in a pot of dirt that is too small, you have to first prune it (cut off all the dead leaves, then move it completely away to new dirt and a bigger better pot (relocate relocate relocate!) Soon after some time, with all the dead leaves gone and the opportunity to grow in a new pot and fresh and more /dirt not only will the plant recover but in most cases, the plant grows some new flowers that you didn’t even know existed and becomes 100 more times vibrant and beautiful than before. But this never would have happened if radical changes had not been made.
You and this witty, fun, funny charming person (it’s no wonder people gravitate to him) have what it takes to have a great lasting friendship but you have got to “get the ball back” You have a chance to be his stable friend for life.
Thank you so much
You were very accurate and brought many new insights to me. However, is there romantic potential for this relationship in the long-term future? (not that I want one now) and does he still care about me in a romantic way right now? I just want to know so I can move on-I have no intention of being with this person.
Thank you again!Hello again, Goldenheart. The future is not etched in stone but there are probabilities, some stronger than others. However an unforeseen significant emotional event can dramatically change the course of events regarding an issue or even dramatically change aspects of someone’s personality and/or how they view/feel about things.
With that being said, when I focused in on you and your friend the first time and again when you replied, I felt there was about a 50% chance of you and he being romantically involved. Although the future is never 100%, when I focused in on you now and the first time, I saw you falling in love with someone else and having a long term, committed relationship with that other person. I do see you and your friends being close friends in the future, not right now.
Hi again,
I’m so sorry to keep asking you for advice but he has already contacted me and I haven’t talked to him but he really wants to resume the friendship right now. I have to talk to him explaining that I need space which I will do soon, but what is his deal? Is this him still trying to push me around? What are his real intentions?
Thank you soooo much!Hi again,
I’m so sorry to keep asking you for advice but he has already contacted me and I haven’t talked to him but he really wants to resume the friendship right now. I have to talk to him explaining that I need space which I will do soon, but what is his deal? Is this him still trying to push me around? What are his real intentions?
Thank you soooo much!Cath:
Nothing has changed since my initial post. Read my first post again.
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