For the past 2 years, I have been constantly thinking of my ex. I did not want to break up with her, but at the time I was going through what I still think was a mental breakdown. I still think of her every day and still dream of her.

I have spoken to a lot of Psychics, but seems to be the same thing. Different dates of when she will get in contact with me again. My own mother does readings, she seems to be more on the money with what may occur. It seems more accurate coming from her then anyone else as I still feel my mother harbours animosity towards my ex. But….I still love my ex, I have known that since the day I first saw her. I am far from perfect, how can I have the arrogance to judge someone. Someone that had a bad childhood and carries that with her everywhere.

To be honest, I don’t know why I am even posting this. I feel so lost lately. I have had a few flings but only 1.5 years after breaking up, I always felt like it would be cheating on her (a person that isn’t even there!, How stupid is that, loyalty to nothing).

Every time I end up being involved with anyone, I end it as soon as possible.

Sometimes it feels like I can feel what she is thinking and feeling and sometimes I feel so much emotion (sadness or otherwise), but it doesn’t feel like its mine! Like I am borrowing it, or feeling someone else’s. It can happen even when I am just walking to work.

I still wonder, did she ever feel anything for me. Does she still? Was I the reason she was cutting herself? Is she already in maybe a 3rd relationship since me? Was I only there so she didn’t feel lonely?

I still feel so distraught. Its been over two years and I still think and dream of her. Still, remember holding her when she fell asleep.